Yeah, I said it - I have a favorite atheist. She may be one of the greatest people that has ever happened to me. I've been counseling her for over a year now, and yup, she's still an atheist. By all evangelistic standards, I suppose you could call this a fail - an epic fail. But by Jesus' standards, I'm finding it's something much more...
My favorite atheist is in a growing relationship with Jesus, she just hasn't said her "I Do's" yet. I love walking with her day by day, as she struggles through questions and doubts, insecurities and fears. Occasionally she lets her forces down just long enough to confess that she thinks God may have spoken to her - in fact, she's certain He has, but she is afraid to believe. She is afraid to trust Him - to be disappointed - to find out that He is just like everyone else who has ever deserted or abandoned her.
Still, He is with her. (He told her so :)
This week's episode of GLEE ("Grilled Cheesus") approached this subject of faith and fear, of doubting the existence of God. Two main characters declare themselves atheists - one, because he is gay and has been hurt by people who claim to follow Jesus, and also because he lost his mother at a young age; the second is our beloved Coach Sue Sylvester. Sue's sister is mentally handicapped. When Sue was a little girl, she adored her older sister, so she was heartbroken to watch other kids ridicule and demean her for her illness. Sue prayed and prayed that God would change her sister, but He never did. Sue asked something of God; He didn't do what she wanted Him to do. The not so original result? Sue became an atheist.
There was a part of me that cringed watching GLEE this week - so many inaccurate portrayals of what it means to truly seek God's direction in our lives, of His heart and character and love toward us. But I'm glad I stuck it out. I think a lot of times as Christians, we get so offended on behalf of God that we plug our ears to the complaints of the world around us. When I read the OT, I see that when God's people complained, repeatedly it says that He "heard their cries for help and came down to save them." Plugging our ears because we are offended will never result in actually hearing cries for help and bringing salvation to the lost. Maybe we don't have to get so offended; maybe we can become more like our Christ and become better listeners, hearing the cry beneath the complaint...
So I stuck with GLEE to the end this week. I endured "Grilled Cheesus" and actually could see many of my students in this episode. Moreso, I could see myself. I could see the times in my own life when I've doubted the very existence of God; when I've accused Him of being so many things that He is not; when I've entirely missed the point and given up way too soon; when I've lived like a practical atheist.
At the end of the episode (mild spoiler alert), Sue asks her mentally handicapped sister if she believes in God. She does. After a chat at the dinner table, Sue's sister asks her, "Do you want me to pray for you, Sue?" With tears in her eyes, Sue replies, "Yeah, that would be nice."
The bottom line of the episode was this: We want to believe. Help us to believe.
Sounds like a guy I heard of once who came to Jesus saying, "I believe...heal my unbelief."
If we plug our ears or run in the opposite direction too fast, we will miss the privileged journey of this sweet redemption together. So offenses buried, I sat speechless and weepy at the end of "Grilled Cheesus." I thought of my favorite atheist and the many times she has cried and complained, all the while silently whispering beneath: I want to believe. Help me believe.
My favorite atheist is coming to believe. More and more, we are talking about Jesus, because she brings Him up... because He's speaking to her, she's finding Him, and though she trembles to admit it... she wants Him. Recently, through tears, she shared with me an hour-long conversation she had with God one night. At the end of the talk, all I could say was, "________, I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're totally in a relationship with Jesus - you're just not holding His hand yet."
And my favorite atheist smiled...
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