Got sucker-punched by Jesus this week. What's new, right? Why do I love it so much when He does that? It just hurts soooo good. Well, we had this moment, we were chatting about "kingdom" - His, not mine. Realizing, as if I shouldn't already know, how much the kingdom requires of me... how much living like Jesus will cost.
He's pretty expensive, Jesus. But most great things are. The best things are the most expensive things. And I guess nothing can be of more value than a life. So...in the expensive pursuit of living like Jesus...the cost is me. The cost is me and all my dreams and hopes and desires - all the ways I try to make His Word fit my promises (you know, the ones I strain to believe are on the top of God's agenda). I have these moments where I get all excited to live God's kingdom, God's way - but if I'm honest, the excitement is usually born out of a certain idea that is still mine - a picture that is still, somehow, about me.
And then He crumbles my kingdom, my ideas, and my dreams with a whisper:
"Tara, in God's kingdom, the King dies."
Of course I thought about Jesus. And I thought about Jim (Elliot...my hero). I thought about Peter and Paul and John the Baptist, and all the other "greats" I wish I was more like. And I wonder what would God be pleased to crucify in me? If I want to be like Jesus, somebody's gotta die. He already did, and He invites me to join Him. To die with Him and live with Him. To die to the ridiculous notion that all of this is about me and my story - to live in the extraordinary adventure that is knowing Jesus and being like Him ...whatever the cost.
So help me, God, I want to live like Jesus. I have plenty of pictures of what I wish that looked like. I have no idea what that actually will look like. Absolutely NO idea. In a kingdom where living means dying and dying means living...I get a little confused. But I believe You know what You're doing, and "though none go with me, still I will follow...to the death."
Dare to die; dare to live.
Looking forward to whatever You have in mind, Jesus. I may need Your help sorting what's me and what's You, but this mess is fun when we're rolling in it together. Sloppy yet satisfying :) Love You.
He's pretty expensive, Jesus. But most great things are. The best things are the most expensive things. And I guess nothing can be of more value than a life. So...in the expensive pursuit of living like Jesus...the cost is me. The cost is me and all my dreams and hopes and desires - all the ways I try to make His Word fit my promises (you know, the ones I strain to believe are on the top of God's agenda). I have these moments where I get all excited to live God's kingdom, God's way - but if I'm honest, the excitement is usually born out of a certain idea that is still mine - a picture that is still, somehow, about me.
And then He crumbles my kingdom, my ideas, and my dreams with a whisper:
"Tara, in God's kingdom, the King dies."
Of course I thought about Jesus. And I thought about Jim (Elliot...my hero). I thought about Peter and Paul and John the Baptist, and all the other "greats" I wish I was more like. And I wonder what would God be pleased to crucify in me? If I want to be like Jesus, somebody's gotta die. He already did, and He invites me to join Him. To die with Him and live with Him. To die to the ridiculous notion that all of this is about me and my story - to live in the extraordinary adventure that is knowing Jesus and being like Him ...whatever the cost.
So help me, God, I want to live like Jesus. I have plenty of pictures of what I wish that looked like. I have no idea what that actually will look like. Absolutely NO idea. In a kingdom where living means dying and dying means living...I get a little confused. But I believe You know what You're doing, and "though none go with me, still I will follow...to the death."
Dare to die; dare to live.
Looking forward to whatever You have in mind, Jesus. I may need Your help sorting what's me and what's You, but this mess is fun when we're rolling in it together. Sloppy yet satisfying :) Love You.
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