Why I Love Benjamin Linus

Paging Dr. Linus...

I'm getting a little weary of defending my special interest in the - evil?/good?/evil?/good? - character of Dr. Benjamin Linus on Lost.  So, once and for all, let me explain my affection.

Beside the fact that the Emmy-Award winning Michael Emerson is brilliant beyond comparison in his portrayal of Linus, there are more personal reasons why I relate to this oxymoron of a character.  We never know what to do with Ben.  Is he evil?  Is he good?  We see continual glimpses of both. 

And I see continual glimpses of both in me.

Ben is a liar.  He is selfish.  He loves the island more than anything else; or maybe, the power of the island.  He longs for power, influence, and control.  When someone steps in to challenge his 'territory' he is riddled with defenses.  The idea of submitting his authority over to someone else is grueling.  Here is a man who watches his own daughter die, for whatever reason - selfishness, love of the island over her - or maybe, just a simple miscalculation of the coming events.  He is a murderer, deceiver, manipulator, and anyone who gets in the way of his ideas or plans is a potential casualty of war.

It makes sense to hate Benjamin Linus.

It also makes sense to hate the Apostle Paul (who murdered early Christians out of his love for the Law).  It makes sense to hate King David (who turned his attention elsewhere when he found out his own daughter had been raped).  It makes sense to hate me.  I'm drenched in the allure of evil - after all, "the human heart is wicked above all else.  Who can know it?" 

If we want to point fingers, really point fingers, it "makes sense" in many minds to hate God Himself.  What kind of God, what kind of loving Father would watch His own Son die for the love the world?  I think it is the kind of God that loves, unconditionally, even the least of these.  Even the Benjamin Linuses of the world...even the Tara Gentrys.  It is the kind of God who is "compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.  He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever.  He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities..." (Psalm 103). 

I love Benjamin Linus, because week after week, we have to forgive him - again and again and again.  If he is to be redeemed; if there is to be more for Dr. Linus, then he must be given yet another second chance through forgiveness and grace.  I love Ben because, more often than not, I am Ben.  I'm riddled with inconsistencies, selfishness, falling short of the glory of God.  Yet despite my failures, God loves me and continues to believe, "right up to the last moment," the best in me. 

I have no idea where this show is going.  No clue what their intention is, but with all the questions and answers and more questions, I find myself enjoying that hour every week where God is speaking to me about humanity and brokenness, about redemption and restoration.  I'm sitting by a lighthouse with Jack, wounded and aching, as I stare at an ocean trying to understand the goodness of God in my broken life.  I'm standing in faith with Hurley, believing the Jacob that no one else can see.  I'm guilty with Ben, knowing I do not deserve to be forgiven, but finding in grace, I am redeemed. 

So there...  I love Ben.  Deal with it :)