Going Mirror-Less: "The Experiment" (Pt 2)

I've been doing a class with the girls for a few months now about body image and self-worth.  It has been interesting to say the least.  One week in particular the girls picked photos out of magazines for three purposes: (1) Pick a photo that makes you feel good about yourself.  (2) Pick a photo that makes you feel bad about yourself.  (3) Pick a photo that is using sexual imagery to sell something non-sexual.  When it came time to share their photos, it went something like this:  

When choosing a photo that made the girls feel good about themselves, they picked a photo of someone and made fun of that person.  I was silently shocked - I honestly did not see this coming.  I thought they would pick photos of girls that revealed natural beauty, or girls they related to, etc.  Instead, they chose photos of incredibly beautiful girls, or sultry women, or fashionistas, then SHREDDED them.  Shamelessly, the girls bragged on, "This photo makes me feel good about myself, because, look at her nose!  It is so big!  And seriously, her ears stick out so far - and that hair is just nappy!"  My girls, who are usually quite thoughtful and insightful in classes like these, thought they were soooo funny and laughed it up as one after another bashed the girls in their photos.

Wow...

I just sat silently and let the girls take their turns slamming model after model, all in an effort to "feel good about themselves."  Only two girls out of 19 actually chose photos that made them feel good for reasons like, "She looks like she is being herself, and I appreciate that."  When the girls finished sharing, I posed a question:  "Did anyone notice that when you talked about photos that made you feel good about yourself, all you really did was find as many faults as possible with the girls in that photo (and then exaggerate them)?  Why does it seem that in order for us to feel good about ourselves, we have to find faults in everyone else?  Why do we think that someone else's beauty has to be a challenge to our own?"  The room went silent and heads dropped.  They realized this isn't just something they do to magazine photos - it is something they do to each other at a great cost.

Over the next few weeks, conversation rolled over into past experiences and perspective.  I love teaching the girls about perspective.  The first time I came back from Africa, I was so irritated when the girls complained about food that I took a photo of a precious little girl eating her meal at a Children's Cup care-point in Swaziland and posted it on the bulletin board in the dining room with a note underneath that read: "Not happy with your meal?  Complain to her."  (It was awesome:)

The girls know that if I start talking Africa, they're about to be in for it.  Some of my best challenges for the girls come from lessons learned with kids in Swaziland.  As we discussed perspective and body image, I remembered how profoundly impacted I was on my first trip to Africa when there were little to no mirrors to be found anywhere.  So I decided to cover every mirror in the TC house - bedrooms, hallways, bathrooms, everywhere - and have the girls write Scripture or words of encouragement over them.  

We called it "The Mirror Experiment."  The challenge would be for one week, to live a mirror-less life.  It was interesting to see their reactions: "What about when I go on pass?!"  "What about youth group?"  "Can I use my compact to put on my make-up?"  I did not give the girls many instructions other than to cover the mirrors and pay attention throughout the week to how often they unconsciously turned to check their appearance, even when unnecessary.  It was fun to see the words of truth and love the girls penned on those coverings; every time they went to look in a mirror, instead they found Scripture or reminders that, "I am more than my reflection."

When the time came to pull the covers off, I asked the girls what they thought of this experiment.  One girl who is obsessed with having the perfect part in her hair admitted to using picture frames on the wall to try to check and make sure it was straight.  Others confessed that they checked their make-up in the toaster at breakfast.  Someone even said she would look at her reflection in her friend's sunglasses, but admitted she felt like she was sort of "cheating" every time.  There were loads of silly reactions like these, and I could relate - been there, done that, girls - you'll find no judgment here :)  After all the fun of it, some valuable statements came out.  One of the most profound was common to all: "I hated having to ask other people if I looked ok all the time."  Hmmm... 

We asked ourselves:

If I hated having to ask other people if I looked ok through this experiment, then why do I do that all the time in real life?

Why are we constantly allowing other people to define us?  

Why do I let magazines, society, culture, friends, frenemies and the like be the mirror in which I measure myself?  

We realized that it's true - we are constantly looking outside of ourselves to decide who we are.  We look to others to tell us if we are good enough, smart enough, pretty enough; we rely on compliments or trash-talk to decide what is good or bad about ourselves.  But it doesn't have to be this way.

We wondered... what would my life look like if I stopped allowing everyone else to be the mirror by which I view myself?  What if I found a different mirror?  What if I chose to be a reflection of something else?  Something more... authentic.  Something more... "me."  We talked about Peter in the Bible - how it was only after he discovered the truth about who God is that he discovered the truth about himself, and that maybe this is true also with us.  We talked about the idea that we were created, formed, fashioned on purpose, by a God who loves beauty - a God who creates and says things like, "Mmm, that's good.  That's really good."

We decided to try something.  We decided to let Christ become the mirror by which we view ourselves.  We decided that when we look in those uncovered mirrors again, we would appreciate the GIFT of being able to decide for ourselves what is "good enough."  We agreed to remember when we look in those mirrors again, "Today, I am not at the mercy of someone else to tell me if I am beautiful.  Today, I get to decide how I look.  And today I agree with my Maker:  'It is good.'"