Jesus on Safari: Breaking the Plane

Archived: Written October 18, 2012

I went on my first African safari in 2007.  Four trips to Africa later, I've been on about 10 safaris in Swaziland and South Africa, and I still can't get enough.  I love driving along, on our own or with a guide, scouring the reserve with the naked eye, watching and waiting for those special moments: sighting the Big Five - lion, leopard, elephant, rhino, water buffalo; spotting giraffe, zebra, hippos, crocodiles, monkeys, baboons, snakes, hyenas, kudu, impala, and loads of other beautiful animals - it is quickly growing into a favorite past time.  

Driving onto a reserve, signs warn you to enter at your own risk, keep your windows rolled up, don't hang items (especially body parts) outside of your vehicle, and never, ever feed the animals.  If you really let your mind go there, there is a lot to fear on a game drive; but there is also a lot of beauty, creativity and life to be enjoyed.  If you let the signs keep you out, you will miss breathtaking moments and incomparable memories.

Last year, I was visiting a lion park, and (rebelliously) riding with my window all the way down.  While my head and camera were turned to the right, my friend whispered, "Tara!  Tara, turn around!"  I turned quickly and froze ... as an enormous male white lion strolled alongside my window.  I could have reached out and touched him.  "Take the picture!  Take the picture!" my friends whispered.  But I was frozen - maybe in fear, maybe in wonder... but I was not going to die of lion bite just because my stupid camera beeped upon flash.  Nope.  I just watched (or froze) and enjoyed the exhilarating moment between that lion and my window.

On my first safari, I was given clear instructions that I could put my window down at my own risk, but to not lean any part of my body outside of that window.  So long as the vehicle maintained its own original composure, the wild animals would assume our vehicle was just another large animal and typically leave us alone.  But once you break that plane, you signal something interesting - an opportunity, a curiosity - and there is no guarantee you will not be attacked.

I remember thinking that this is so similar to the life in Christ.  Life is, in essence, a wildlife, and there is much to risk and to lose; there is also much to be experienced and enjoyed.  Scripture is full of rules where God tells us to do certain things and to not do certain other things.  Sometimes we read those rules and we get frustrated with God - why can't You just let me live my life?!  But Deuteronomy (yup, Deuteronomy) tells us over and over again that God gives us instructions like these: "So that you may live; so that it may go well with you..."  He wants us to enjoy life; He also wants us to make it out alive.

This year has been exhausting and terrifying.  In a five month span of time, I almost lost my mother more times than I can count due to heart surgeries and a horrifying recovery process ("She's gonna live... she's not gonna live... She's gonna live... she's not gonna live..."); my grandfather unexpectedly passed away just two days before mom came home from the hospital; I worked two jobs, well over full-time, in addition to working a little too hard to maintain a 4.0 GPA in a full-time masters degree program (I know no one cares about GPA's anymore...but welcome to the neurosis of a perfectionist).  In the meantime, my family is dispersed between Colorado, Indiana and Florida, while mom is back in a nursing home, Dad is caring for her and pastoring a church; the love of my life is a continent away, and I cry over the biggest and the simplest of things.  Doctors giving us conflicting messages; nurses not following mom's medicine regime; a professor changing an assignment; sitting with my grandma who has Alzheimer's while she lovingly, yet confusingly, strokes my cheek; friends are distant; I got an A-; I got mascara in my eye...

My life these days is a safari - some wild beasts, some pesky monkeys - but big or small, I am feeling the heat.  I'm driving with my windows down, trying to take it all in; trying to be brave, to be present and fully alive.  But something within me is still terrified that I will be eaten alive.  The other day as I was thinking about my wonderful safari memories, the Lord whispered to my heart:

"Just don't break the plane."

Life is chaos right now, to be sure, but staying in the vehicle, I will make it through alive.  Corny as it sounds - my vehicle is Jesus.  In John 15, Jesus said "Remain in Me..."  It is only when I step outside of Him that I put myself at risk.  But remaining in Him, no matter how many wild beasts or pesky monkeys lurk at my window, "no harm shall come near me."

I know that God never promised that life would be safe.  I know that He never vowed to make it easy or pain-free.  But He did offer a way to make it through alive - and even to enjoy the ride:  

"Remain in Me..."

So these days, while I'm crying over chipped finger nail polish and yellow autumn leaves, I'm thanking God that when I am weak, He is strong - that His grace is sufficient for me - that His banner over me is love - that He will never leave me or forsake me - that He will not leave me as an orphan - He will come to me - He is my Glory and the Lifter of my head - in His presence is fullness of joy...

Whatever wildlife you're wandering today, whether you find yourself enduring it or enjoying it, don't break the plane.  Roll those windows down, take it all in, be present and journey through.  But stay in that vehicle, friend.  Remain in Him, as HE remains... with you.

Do Your Worst

A couple weeks ago I tweeted (yup, tweeted), "Sometimes I wonder what in the world God thinks I'm made of.  Today is one of those days."  "Today is one of those days..." because for the past four months there has been helping after helping of grief, fear, loss, recovery; hope, more grief, more fear, more loss; less hope, confusion, surprises (the not awesome kind) - all simply wrapped up in the not so simple word, heartache.  

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick..."

With blow after blow, I find myself asking God pretty frequently these days, "Seriously, what do You think I'm made of?!"  Whether He's incited it or allowed it, this season has unleashed the perfect storm of familial, spiritual and personal struggles that have shaken the core of my strength.  I want to be mad at Him for all of this, but deep down I know He is not the culprit.   I know that my frustration is misplaced; that I'm confused, I'm afraid, I don't have answers, I don't know what the future or even the next few days will look like, and for the girl who always believes redemption is possible, I've been living through days that feel way more hopeless than hopeful.  Days that are just... deflating.  If hope were a balloon, it would be as a if someone poked the tiniest hole in an unsearchable place so that slowly, squeakishly, out would leak the substance from within.  So, honestly?  Yeah - sometimes hope fades, life feels meaningless, and I feel empty - deflated.  The citadel of my life is attacked at it's most secure posts, and I'm left wondering what will become of me without their strength.  

My name, "Tara," means tower of strength, or strength of character.  But some days, I'm not feeling so strong, and I certainly don't feel like I'm showing much character.  On the inside I'm just broken - "dashed to pieces," as Job would say, and I don't understand the good of taking an incredibly melancholy, introverted girl and crushing the small shred of positivity within her.  In a word, I feel defeated.  

Done.  

Undone.  

I want to be courageous.  I want to honor Jesus.  I want to make Him look good - really good - through all of this.  But there are days when everything within me is weak, so so weak, and I am failing.  I feel like the worst of me has been exposed.  Like I'm just a cowarding little girl who needs her mom to be stronger than her, who needs people to stay and not go, who's been kidding herself all along to believe that good really can come of all this mess.

Then today, after blow number "I stopped counting a long time ago," I asked God again, "Seriously!?  What do You think I'm made of?"

His response?


"My Tara, I thought you should know by now.  

You are made of ME."

Is it possible?


With every shattering heartache of a blow, could God be cracking away at His own image, wrapped up in this flesh and bones?  

Could He love me so much?

That much?

I know that all of the things my family is going through are not about me.  I'm selfish sometimes, but not that selfish - I get it, it's not all about me.  But in the meantime of it all, could God really - still - be so concerned with me, His little Tara, that He would keep throwing punches to let me find out what I am made of?  And that what I'm made of... is Him?

If I am made of Him, and if each blow cracks away the layers of me that are hiding Him, then the most terrifying, sincere prayer I can pray tonight is this: Do Your worst, Lord.  Do Your worst.  Somehow in all of this mess, let the pieces of me become pieces of You.  Let this tower of strength be crumbled to find You still remain amidst the rubble.  

God, this season is dark and ugly.  But You, You are lovely - and I love You.

Now, merciful Savior, do Your worst, and make me lovely too.

Lovely... like You.

Something to Cry About

A week and a half ago, my grandpa died.  For some girls, the grandfather / granddaughter relationship is, sadly, not one to be greatly missed, but in this case - in our case - my brother, sister and I have a lot to cry over.  Our grandfather was a quiet man, simple and hard-working.  He was rarely affectionate physically or verbally, yet looking back through old pictures, I keep finding photo after photo of him holding us, laughing with us - being with us.  Growing up in Michigan, my sister Sonya and I would beg Mom and Dad to take us to Granny and Grandpa's house every weekend.  We would watch old movies, horse races and football games, eat Grandpa's homemade popcorn, fall asleep on the couch while Grandma scratched our back, go to the mall together, take walks, play in the backyard, eat a lot, talk a lot and laugh a lot.  At the end of the weekend, Grandpa would drive us home to the tune of the Detroit Tigers baseball games on the car radio.  

That will forever be one of my favorite, most comforting sounds - fuzzy, baseball radio.

Grandpa grew up in deep south Tennessee in a family that rarely, if ever, spoke the words, "I love you."  I was eleven years old the first time he replied with anything other than "Ok..." when I told him I loved him.  We had made our first move away from Michigan, now living in New Jersey, and missing one another terribly.  I was 11, so I cried about it - a lot.  Standing in the kitchen of our New Jersey home, talking to grandpa on the phone, I ended the call as usual saying, "I love you, Grandpa."  In a speedy, humbling, unforgettable moment, Grandpa snuck out those sweet words as fast as possible: "I love you, too, bye."  

It was fast, but it was beautiful.

As we grew and moved back to Michigan, then to Florida, then to Indiana, our time together fluctuated, but our family always remained close.  Though Grandpa was often quiet and inexpressive, over the years those speedy replies slowed down and sweetened up into a tender, southern, heart-wrenching, "I love you, too, honey... Goodbye."

All of our relationships with Grandpa were unique.  As the only grandson on Mom's side, Grandpa took great pride in my brother, Todd - a Denver police officer and all-around, ridiculously fit athlete.  After Grandpa passed away, we found an old photo in Grandpa's wallet.  It was of an 11 year old Todd sitting on Grandma's lap.  For over 30something years, he carried that photo and treasured it.  Sonya was Grandpa's partner in crime.  She shared housing with my grandparents for many years, and with her infectious laugh and joyful demeanor, she had a special way of getting Grandpa talking and laughing like no one else could.  Grandpa was proud of her, too, and loved hearing stories about her spunky little Jaden... the spitting image of his spunky mother :)

Grandpa was quiet, and I am quiet, so put the two of us together and you had, well, a lot of quiet.  Somehow I always felt shy with him, but endeared to him, and it didn't matter that we were just a teeny less chatty when others weren't around - we enjoyed each other, words or no words.  I will forever cherish every memory of watching football, basketball and baseball with him on TV, in silence, back as a child in Michigan, as a teen in Florida, and as an adult here in Indiana.  I will never, ever forget that he was there - ever so present in our lives - for vacations, weekends, dinners, lunch, breakfast, outings, walks, graduations, weddings, birthdays, holidays, special days, ordinary days - he was there.  

He was present, and now he's not, and I miss him.

Today, I had to stop back by grandpa's apartment to drop off his keys.  I thought I had cried all I could last week, but handing those keys over, I lost it, again - in front of 4 random strangers at a front desk.  The words, "I'm Cam Medley's granddaughter" were apparently just too much, still too fresh, but they rang true.  Present or not, I am Cam Medley's granddaughter, and I am so proud to be his.  As I walked back to my car, I whispered through my tears a frustrated, "Dang it!" because, honestly, I don't want to cry anymore.  But you know...

Good daddies make their daughters cry.  

If I had a "no good grandfather," I would have no reason to cry over losing him.  Today, and all throughout my life, Cam Medley gave me something to cry about: 

I loved him.  

I still do.  

I always will. 

I'm thankful today that my precious grandfather is in the joyful presence of Jesus, and I can't wait to share our forever together.  I'm thankful that we do not grieve as those who have no hope.  More than anything, I am thankful that just as Grandpa's silence did not mean his absence, so the quietness of God in seasons of suffering do not mean that He has abandoned us.  After all:

He loved us.

He still loves us.

He always will.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, 

neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 

neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, 

will be able to separate us from the love of God

 that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:38-39

Ugly Face

A few weeks ago, I started reading again through the book of Job.  Honestly, this was only because I am reading through my Bible, and it just happened to be the book up next.  As I started, I was thinking maybe I don't really need to read this right now.  Like, I took a class on this book in college, I have read through it front to back at least three times already.  I've learned from it, I've taught on it; I get it, I know it, I love it, but maybe...I can skip it.  For whatever reason, I didn't skip, but decided to approach Job - again - with an open heart.  I read - again - about the good guy who suffered, who lost, who grieved; who needed friends to let him be angry, who needed to be allowed to put an 'ugly' face on for a while, who needed to have it out with a God who refused to explain Himself.  

Reading through Job this time, I noticed him saying over and over again, "I know, I know, I know..."  His friends are telling him to remember this and that about God and life, and Job keeps telling them, "I KNOW already!"  If you read it in common language, he's basically saying, "Do you think I'm stupid?  I know the same things you know.  I've heard it.  I believe it.  I could be in your shoes telling you all of this right now.  I KNOW!  Ok?!?"  He goes on to say, "But I was at ease, and He broke me apart; He seized me by the neck and dashed me to pieces...my face is red with weeping, and on my eyelids is deep darkness," (Job 16:12-17).   

Job "knows" the things he's "supposed to know" about God, but his experience is contrary to what he's known or believed, and, well... what do you do with that??

Several weeks ago, my mother was admitted for emergency quadruple bypass open heart surgery.  Twenty days in the cardiac ICU later, we are still waiting for her to stabilize, come off the vent and start moving forward.  One day we see a slight upswing and trust for more.  Then we get discouraging news again, have to keep waiting and anticipating, wondering if we should let ourselves feel encouraged or brace ourselves for the worst, and I get weary of the constant fright.  I know much of this is normal.  I know "it is what it is."  I get it.  I understand.  She will live - I truly believe she will get through this.  "It's a process..."  I know...I get it.  I've made peace with that.  But today she's suffering (still) and I hate it.  I HATE it.  I can be present; I can try to comfort her.  I can try to calm her and assure her, but I can't fix it.  All I can do is experience it with her, at least in part, and hope - believe - for the best.  But honestly?  I just want resolve...

I just want her well again.  I just want those tubes out; I want her breathing on her own.  I want her to be allowed to eat or at least have a freaking ice chip for goodness sake.  I want to know - no more "maybe's" but KNOW - that we are finally out of the woods here and she's going to recover.  I want my own stupid anxiety about needles, blood, veins and hospitals to calm down.  I want my dad not to have to secretly worry about what lies ahead for the love of his life.  I want him to not have to feel helpless anymore.  I want my sister not to have to feel bad for being home with her kids today.  I want her to get to laugh with mom again, so hard that it hurts - the good kind.  I want my brother to be able to tell her, face to face, eye to eye, that he finished his race.  And I want to see her put those dark hands and bright red finger nails in the air and hear her say, "Well, praise the Lord..." as only my mother can.  I want to get ready for work in the morning without wondering what kind of phone call I'll get today.  I want to make it through that work day without getting a painful knot in my throat and teary-eyed every time someone is even remotely rude to me because I'm already so emotional and don't want to be here in the first place.  

I want to be with my family.  I want to be with my mom.  I want my mom to live.  I want my mom to live well.  I want her to be at my wedding one day.  I want my children to play with her.  And honestly?  I still kind of want her to tuck me in tonight.  I'm 31 years old and maybe I shouldn't be mommy's little girl anymore, but no matter how old I've grown or how big I get, there's always going to be a piece of me that is simply made by her, for her and it will never be quite satisfied without her.  

She's my mom.  

I love her.  

I want her to live.  

I'm afraid that she won't.  

I trust that she will.  

I feel bad this week - really, really bad.  I can try to hide it, I can try to be strong and courageous and encouraging for all our visitors, family, friends and supporters (who I SO appreciate), but if I'm really, really honest - like Job - I just feel bad, and I need to be allowed to feel bad.   

We're pastors.  My dad's a pastor, I'm a pastor, we're a pastor family.  We get it - we're supposed to be strong.  By His grace, we are strong.  But even the strong, suffer.  We are not immune and we, too, think, feel and worry the worst of things.  We know we're supposed to always be positive and we're supposed to make everyone else feel better about all this mess.  We also know you don't really think that.  We know we put that pressure on ourselves (for the most part), but we still feel it and fight it.  In the midst of feeling frightened over mom's health, we also feel somehow obligated to keep our faces on and hallelujah's loud...

But I'm feeling Job today.  I just want to be allowed to be ugly today.  I need to be allowed to feel bad - to face it, to feel it, and to walk through it so I can find God in it.  Job never would have found God through His suffering if he had not thrown his arms around every ugly piece of it, feeling it, fighting it and asking God for a face-to-face at the end of it.  I want that, too - I want to come to the end of this, and whether God answers me or not, I want to know Him more and I want to be more like Him.  So, while I go ahead and get my ugly on, if at times I seem rude or faithless, I wish I could help you understand - I have never been more full of faith.  While my "face is red with weeping..." "I know that my Redeemer lives."**  

In all of this uncertainty, the one thing I am confident of is this:

He loves us.

The cross comforts me today: He loves me, He loves me, He loves me.  That awful, ugly, hard, cold cross wraps its blood-stained arms around me today and hums, "He loves you.  Don't forget it: He loves you."  Nothing changes that. 

And nothing changes this, Lord: I love You, too.  

I love You, I love You, I love You... 

Take my mom, my dad, my sister, my brother. 

Take my family, my friends, my lover.  

Take my things, my stuff, my purpose, my hope. 

I love You, I love You, I love You... more.

Always, MORE.

 Maybe it wasn't a mistake to start reading through Job again.  Maybe God knows what we need, when we need it.  Maybe He is present not only in suffering, but before and after it.  Maybe in His own secret, simple, sweet ways He is preparing us, unknown, for what is to come, bracing us for impact, somehow gracing us to be both sad and fearful yet strong and courageous.  Maybe when this, too, shall pass, He will still be present - powerfully, tenderly present - and He may or may not answer my "Why, God, Why?!'s"  Whether or not He does or ever will, "I trust in His unfailing love."***  

This week, I've had to face lots of people, caught without my makeup on way more than I'd normally allow:), eyes swollen and repeated comments about how tired I look.  I can see in some eyes that they feel sorry for us, a natural response for sure.  If I can encourage those lovers and supporters with anything, it is this: don't feel sorry for us, just support us (you so graciously have and are).  Be present and let it be what it is today: a pain and a privilege.  We have been granted a pain for sure, but we have also been granted the privilege:

"To KNOW Him, by any means possible - in the fellowship of His suffering and the power of His resurrection."**** 

One way or another, friends, there IS resurrection.  With Jesus, there is always resurrection.  So my grief today rests in this:  

He lived.  He died.  He rose.  He lives...

And so will we.

"For if we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord.  So then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's." - Romans 14:8

"With full courage, now as always, Christ will be honored in my body, whether through life or death.  For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain." - Philippians 1:20-21

"There is only Christ; He is Everything." - Colossians 3:11

*Ecclesiastes 3:11

**Job 19:25 

***Psalm 13:5

****Philippians 3:10-11

Lessons From Rehab #13: Don't Lose Your Love

"I'm a lover, Dottie, not a fighter."

 - Pee Wee Herman

To this day I have no idea how I watched Pee Wee Herman as a child without getting creeped out, but somehow I loved that dude and his baby blue suit and red bow tie.  Don't even ask how many times I watched Pee Wee's Big Adventure and Big-Top Pee-Wee over and over at Grandma's house.  The more I've grown, the more I've tried to block that whole thing out, but there is one quote I've always remembered from Mr. Herman's big screen debut: "I'm a lover, Dottie, not a fighter."  

I really don't know where that phrase originated: I'm a lover, not a fighter.  But somehow it has made its way into popular culture for generations, and somewhere along the road of life we unwittingly decide to be one or the other, too.  

Lovers or Fighters.

When I read Scripture, though, I find an image of God that is a little bit broader than that.  Ok, a lot broader than that.  God is not a Lover or a Fighter.  He is a Lover AND a Fighter.  Since we have been created in the image of God, we have been created to be both, too.  

Lovers and fighters.

Through life, it's inevitable: there are battles to fight - loads of them.  But if we approach as nothing but fighters, eventually our "fight" grows weary, and there has to be something more to sustain it.  

Not just will power.  

Not just purpose.  

Not just prizes...  

Love.

Ask any enduring soldier and I'm confident he or she will tell you; it is not medals or missions that drive the heart of the warrior.  It is love.  Whether for one's spouse, children, family, nation or freedom itself, love not only drives, but sustains the warrior when he grows weary in his fight.  

The New Testament writer Matthew records a conversation between Jesus and some of his followers.  He warned them that many who were standing strong in the fight of faith would grow weary and drift away; they would abandon the fight.  I read this and wonder "Why?  How?  How can those who were so passionate one day be so passive the next?  How could they just give up on something they were once willing to stake their lives upon?"  Jesus answers with this:

"...the love of many will grow cold, but the one who endures to the end will be saved."*

"The love of many will grow cold..."  The Greek wording originally used here means to "wax cold," like candle wax slowly dripping away from the flame.  If the wax holds steady, staying close to the flame, it remains hot.  But if it slowly drips away from the flame, it cools and hardens (I know, I'm brilliant).  This is how it is with love.  If we hold steady, staying close to the flame of His love (God doesn't have or feel love, He IS Love - 1 John 4:8), then we too remain in love.  But as we slowly drift away from Him, our love cools, hardens, and as our love diminishes our fight does, too.  

As you "fight the good fight of faith" today, be careful not to lose your love.  I know that life gets overwhelming and keeping your head up to fight that good fight each day can get weary - really, really weary - but stay close to the God who is love and He will fill you with His love to sustain you in the fight.  Whatever your mission or goal, as you fight and keep fighting, remember this:

Not for power.

Not for purpose.

Not for prizes.

Not for pride or privilege or praise.

For Love.

*Matthew 24:9-13
 

Lessons From Rehab #12: LOVE GOD FIRST, LOVE PEOPLE SECOND

Love God first; love people second.  These are what Jesus said are the first and second greatest commandments.  Love God first; love people second.

"Everything else hangs on this," He said.  The idea is that if my life is motivated by the law of Love, then my choices will be a natural outflow of that love.  Love makes obedience easy.  Love makes sacrifice easy.  Love makes commitment easy... ok, maybe easier.  A great example of this is Joseph in the book of Genesis, who, when tempted to sleep with his master's wife, responded by saying, "How could I do this thing and sin against my God and my master?"  Joseph loved God and loved people, and therefore he refused to sin about them.  Here's the thing with this principle:

Don't confuse the order.

Jesus' description of love as the greatest commandment is powerful, but sometimes we just stop at love in general as the motivating force for our actions.  Jesus went a step beyond that; He got specific.  He placed an intentional order here, and the order is this:

Love God FIRST.

Love people SECOND.

If you confuse the order, if you love people first and love God second, you miss the point.  "Everything else hangs on this..."  Our love for people hangs on our love for God.  We cannot love others, ourselves or even God rightly when we put people before Him.  This is a painful and challenging truth, because it's difficult at times to love Someone most when we can't see Him, hear Him, touch Him or feel Him.  I can see my dad.  I can talk to my mom.  I can hug my sister.  I can touch a friend.  When I have a husband and kids someday, I'm sure the challenge will be even greater: keep God first.

But if we truly love our families, our friends and the other people in our world, we will commit to loving God above them all.  In so doing, we will know HIS love, no longer just human love, and HIS love will empower us to love like He loves, to love well, completely and fully, to the end.  

Is there anyone in your life today that you have been loving more than God?  

What would it look like to set your affection on Him first and others second?

Beauty Remains

"The pain passes, but the beauty remains."

 - Pierre-Auguste Renoir

Tonight some of my fellow grad students and I started talking about stress and feeling overwhelmed, juggling school, work, family, church, recreation, etc.  Although I'm typically an open book, I have tried to maintain a certain level of discretion with my classmates so far, I guess in an attempt to maintain professionalism.  Instead, tonight I finally shared the struggles I was having with leaving TC, going to Africa and back, and diving into a whole new season of identity and purpose that are quite a distance from where I was just 2 months ago.  Being a student again is fulfilling, but it does not feel very rewarding; at least not right now.  I have glimpses of where I want to be, what I want to do ahead; yet even these things are unanswered and carry question marks and problems of their own, and the more I think it all through (which in my perfectionist mindset I do, CONSTANTLY), the more powerless I feel; the more I realize I don't have answers, I don't have solutions, I don't have the slightest clue where certain finances and resources are going to come from, and I have absolutely no idea how God is going to piece together all these things for His glory.

As I was sharing with my classmates tonight, these words slipped out of my mouth:

"It's like He just dumped all these beautiful things in my lap, and I want to build something with them.  He gave me these beautiful things, and then He told me not to touch them."

I hadn't really let myself "go there" yet, but this is really what I've been struggling with since coming home from Africa.  God is awakening beautiful things in my heart and spirit.  He's blessed with me people I love, people I long to be with - people I long to be with NOW.  These yearnings in my heart to do unique things for the Kingdom and with people, I want to do it NOW.  I want to learn, I want to do school, but I also desperately want to get past all of this and "back to my purpose."  

It's not like I've never heard or thought about or even championed the idea of "enjoying the journey."  Oh, I have.  But, truly in keeping with this season of risk and faith, God is really making me live this on a whole new level of personal experience.  It's easy to enjoy the journey when the journey is enjoyable.  But what about when the journey is full of roadblocks, detours, congested traffic, yellow lights and stop signs?  I just want the green light, but it's like every time I turn around, He's telling me to stop and fill my tank again.  I know in my head that this is good, but in my heart, I just want to go...

In this moment, God is speaking to me - vaguely, quietly - about those "beautiful things" He has landed in my lap.  He's telling me to stop focusing so much on building something with them, and instead, for now, just let myself be beautified by them.  In essence, He's whispering: "Don't touch them, Tara.  Let them touch you."  

I know I am gaining experience, skills and knowledge in this season that will be of immeasurable worth a year or two from now.  But right now, this beauty is pain.  It's painful paying for summer classes when I'd sooo much rather run off to Africa again (I literally think of the cost of courses in terms of flights to Africa).  It's painful not having solutions, answers or roadmaps to help me wrap my mind around what this is all going to look like two years from now.  It's painful working and going to school, working and going to school, working and going to school... then coming home to read textbooks all night, and... working and going to school, working and going to school...  It's fulfilling, I enjoy it, but it's painful.  It's painful because I'd rather be somewhere else, doing something else, and God is asking me to be here today - be ALL here today.

Lord,

Be my grace today.  In this season I want to be beautified.  If You will not let me build right now, then will You do one thing for me?  Will You build me?  I want to run ahead of you and hurry this up, but You just love keeping that lamp at my feet - one step at a time.  I have a feeling it will always be this way; that no matter how much I accomplish, You are always going to be bringing me back to this same lesson, this lesson of being.  So grace me, not to learn it, but to live it.  To be it - to be the beauty of Your life in me, regardless of meaning or purpose in my own understanding.  I want to be like You, even in this - more like You, always more.  Help me to just hold these beautiful things and transform me as they soak into my very life.  "I need Thee, oh, I need Thee.  Every hour I need Thee..."

Lessons From Rehab #11: REMEMBER, HE'S WITH YOU

Do you ever just need a really good pep talk?  I do.  Sometimes I find myself trudging through life like the losing team, trailing behind at half-time.  I'm hiding in the locker room while my head hangs low, and what I really need more than anything is someone to give me one good locker room speech and whip me back into shape.  Well, guess what?  

Jesus is AWESOME at pep talks.

There are certain "go to" chapters and verses I've found in the Bible that speak life to me in ways that no one else ever could.  I find that when I read the words of Jesus, when I bring my own struggle into the midst of them, and I let HIM speak to ME - not just all of those "first hearers" - but ME... here, I find the greatest pep talks a girl could ever ask for.  Other people could try telling me the exact same thing, and I just don't hear it, but somehow when HE says it, there is power, there is life, and I believe it is true again.  I believe He is with me.  I believe I can do all things through Him.  I believe there is hope - there is always still hope.  

When HE says it, I believe it.

He's trustworthy.  He's "been there, done that."  He's been through immeasurable suffering, to the death, and come out alive.  And He can do the same in you.  

He hasn't left you alone.

He hasn't dropped you off on the curb.

He hasn't forgotten you in that locker room.

You are not abandoned.

Today, spend some time having a good pep talk from Jesus.  He knows what you need.  He knows where you are.  He knows where you're going.  If you don't know how or where to start, find a locker room of your own, an "alone space," and read through John 14-17.  Best pep talk from Jesus EVER.  

As you look to HIM today, remember...

"I am not abandoned."

"I will not leave you as orphans;

I will come to you."

- John 14:8

Lessons From Rehab #10: Don't Forget to Eat

There's a beautiful story found in Mark 5 - one of my favorites, actually.  A father named Jairus is scouring through crowds of people to find Jesus.  Jairus' daughter is dying, and He pleads with Jesus to come heal her.  Jesus leaves the crowd for this one little girl, but when He gets to her house, she has already died.  In the house, He finds a room full of mourners who laugh at Him when He tells them, "The girl is not dead, but asleep."  As the people laugh at Him, Jesus moves into the bedroom of this child, speaks to her, "Talitha koum," which is Aramaic, meaning, "Little girl, I say to you, arise."  The girl immediately comes back to life, and everyone is filled with great joy.  

It's an awe-inspiring story.

Unfortunately when reading the Bible, though, we tend to stop short at "awe-inspiring."  We love the miracles, the goosebumps, the "everyone was astonished" moments.  But one of the best parts of this story comes after the Jesus-whisper of "Talitha koum..."  After the miracle and the goosebumps, Mark wraps up chapter 5 by making sure to record that after all these awe-inspiring things, Jesus "told them to get her something to eat," (v. 43).  

And then He told them to get her something to eat...

Apparently Jesus didn't want to have to come back next week and raise this girl from the dead again because she starved to death.  He knew that if she was going to come back to life and stay alive, she had to eat.  She had to do practical things to take care of the miracle she'd been given.  She had to remember to eat.

Like this little girl, maybe you have a deathbed or two in your life, as well.  Maybe you have risen, or attempted to rise, on occasion before.  Whatever you are rising up to today, don't forget to eat.  "Eating" may signify taking care of yourself physically - things that restore you and refresh you, like food, rest or recreation.  It may signify practical steps you need to take in order to follow through with good things in your life.  Maybe "eating" refers to eating of God's Word, the Bread of Life; living on His presence and truth in daily life.  

Two nights ago, I laid in bed with my Bible on my lap, feeling powerless and overwhelmed.  I'm working incredibly hard to learn and grow in new ways, so hard, in fact, that I barely notice I am putting way too much trust in myself and not nearly enough trust in the Lord.  As I opened up to where I left off in 2 Chronicles 26, I read about a king named Uzziah, and two statements hit me like a slap in the face.  It read:

"...As long as he sought the Lord, God made him prosper... But when he was strong, he grew proud, to his destruction.  For he was unfaithful to the Lord his God." (vv. 5, 16)

Today I am painfully overwhelmed... like, breaking-point overwhelmed.  I have so many questions that God isn't answering.  I have major decisions to make with no clear sign of what is the right thing to do, the wise thing, the God thing.  I don't know.  The only answer I have is "I don't know."  I have risen to some extreme challenges, to new life, this year, and now that it's here, I don't know what to do.  And as I read these verses tonight, I'm reminded:

Don't forget to eat.

When I am feeling overwhelmed, confused and out of control, a typical common denominator is that I am somehow leaving God out of the equation, or at least out of the process.  I'm not including Him, not seeking Him, not pursuing Him like my life depends on it.  And the truth is that my life does depend on it.  I need Him.  I NEED Him.  Oh, I need Him.

My own challenge this week is "don't forget to eat."  I've made a lot of things high priorities in this new year so far - studying, reading textbooks, getting projects done, going to class, going to work (all 3 jobs), working out, going to church, squeezing in time for family and friends if I can find a spare minute (it's really not supposed to be this way).  And in the midst of it all, devotion to Jesus has been an after-thought.  He's in my heart, my mind, my spirit, I carry Him with me always... but I have not sought Him.  He has been squeezed into bits and pieces of my day.  

I am nibbling when I should be feasting;

        When my life depends on it.

Life depends on it.  Life itself depends on the priority of Christ over every other thing.  So I suppose tonight I am just sharing with you a challenge that is very much my own... don't forget to eat.  Eat of Him, eat of His Word, eat of His presence.  Feed on the life and truth of God regularly.  You - and I - cannot survive without Him.  

So today, whatever that means for you - whether practically, physically, emotionally, socially or spiritually, don't forget to eat.  

Life depends on it.

"And as long as he sought the LORD, God made him prosper."

Lessons From Rehab #9: Be a Victor, Not a Victim

Watch Me First: Just a Flesh Wound (Youtube Clip)

*Warning: Though incredibly corny, this clip displays images of blood and gore... very, very corny blood and gore.

I LOVE the spirit of the Black Knight.  Though his arms and legs are hacked off, he continues to hobble around like a stump on the ground, refusing to give in and refusing to give up.  He loses an arm and, "'tis a scratch."  Another arm and it's, "just a flesh wound."  He has valid reasons to quit; valid reasons to say he "can't" go on any further.  Valid reasons to say that someone else hurt him so he couldn't do any better.  

But this is not the heart of our knight.  

Just a flesh wound...

We can all think of times in life when we've felt victimized.  In some cases, we really are being victimized.  In others, perhaps it is our own perspective of the problem that leads us to believe we are victims of something that is bigger than us, that we are incapable of overcoming.  Whether literally a victim or simply a victim of perspective, the harsh reality is that victim mentality sucks.  It sucks the life out of you.  It sucks vision out of you.  It sucks fight and faith out of your heart and soul.  It sucks.

If you are reading today, and you know what it feels like to be a victim, consider whether you are giving the oppressor more power than he/she/it/whatever deserves.  What does it look like to acknowledge that you have been victimized yet refuse to "play the victim"?  Consider this:

You were hurt.

It happened.

It mattered.

You matter.

It wasn't ok.

It's still not ok.

In fact, it sucks.

It may even be sucking the life out of you.

Is it?

Is it time?...

Is it time to pull that sucker off?

Is it time to let go?

Is it time to move on?

If you do,

You will still have been hurt.

It will still have happened.

It will still have mattered.

YOU will still matter.

And why?

Because...

YOU are MORE than your WOUNDS.

You are more than your wounds.  Your wounds are not the boss of you (unless you let them be).  Your oppressors are not the boss of you (unless you let them be).  You may have been victimized, but you do not have to be a victim.  You do not have to be the victim of your circumstances, your experiences, your sufferings or your relationships.  

Take ownership today.  Take ownership of your life - your choices, your responses, your character, your future, your present, your today, YOU.  Take ownership of you.  You cannot control who others are or what they will do.  But you can control you.  You CAN.  With God's help, by His grace, you can.  

Today, when you feel like falling back into the mentality of a victim, choose instead to be a victor.  If you have to hobble your way through life, beaten and bullied like our bloody Black Knight, laugh in the face of your enemy and embrace the spirit that rises above.

Just a flesh wound...

"The Lord is on my side; I will not be afraid.

What can man do to me?

The Lord is with me; He is my Helper.

I will look in triumph on my enemies...

The Lord is my Strength and my Defense

And has become my Salvation.

I will not die, but live,

And will tell what the Lord has done."

- Psalm 118:6-7,14, 17

Lessons From Rehab #8: DON'T PRETEND; INSTEAD, PRESENT

What was the first question God ever asked in the Bible?

"Where are you?"*

When Adam and Eve had sinned, or failed, their initial reaction was to go into hiding.  BUT GOD... God set out to look for them, to find them and to make a way to redeem them.  In their hiding, God called out, "Where are you?"  He did not harshly grouch, "Adam!  Where are you supposed to be?"  He simply asked:

"Where are you?"

In essence, God, who sees and knows all, was asking Adam to allow himself to be found.  God would not impose His presence, help, grace or even salvation on Adam.  God was ready and willing to meet Adam in the middle of his failure, right where he was at, but Adam had to present himself first in order to be found.

When we struggle, we too often go into hiding.  We may literally, physically hide ourselves from others (not going out anymore, not returning calls, stop going to church, etc.), or we might also tend to hide ourselves beneath various facades of our own making.  We learn to mask, to perform; we learn to pretend.  

Pretend I don't hurt.

Pretend I don't struggle.

Pretend I believe, when really I'm barely holding onto my faith.

Pretend I agree.

Pretend I'm fine.

Pretend I'm not slipping.

Pretend,

Pretend,

Pretend.

What God revealed in Genesis 3 is that He has no interest in performances or pretense.  He has an interest in people, and He wants to know you as you are, not as you should be.  Today, if you are struggling to live up to all you feel like are you "supposed to be," if you are hiding or pretending in some way, hear the gentle voice of the Father whispering your name and asking, "Where are you?"

Come as you are; 

PRESENT, don't pretend.    

He'll meet you there,

So let yourself be found.

*Genesis 3:9

Lessons From Rehab #7: MAKE PEACE WITH THE PROCESS

"Oh my gosh, I can't do this!!  It's just too much!"  So I thought as I perused my mounds of assignments, reading, work, commitments and personal goals for... nope, not this year... for this week.  I couldn't even bring myself to look beyond this week on my calendar, because this week's work alone felt like a tidal wave of papers, appointments, papers, appointments, papers, appointments... and I JUST got started.  This is only the beginning of a whole fresh season of school, new work and personal growth.  I keep finding myself at these bottom-of-the-barrel moments where I'm feeling really, really low and really, really weak, and all I'm pouting is, "Oh my gosh, I can't do this."

Just a few days ago, I championed the phrase: "You CAN and you WILL."  Do I still believe this?  Sure, I still believe this.  (Can you feel the enthusiasm?)  But I do - yeah, I do.  I still believe this.  Yes, I can, and yes, I will.  The "Oh my gosh, I can'ts" kick in when I go past thinking can and will to... how?

HOW am I going to do all of this?  HOW am I going to get 14 chapters of textbook reading accomplished in one week, combined with two papers, commitments, a job, and oh yeah - there's that little matter of personal care.  When am I going to have time to take a shower?!  Ok, I might be overreacting (but seriously...it's cutting close).  

Tonight, I finished reading a textbook chapter (that took me FOR-EVERRRR), took a deep breath and appreciated a little reminder from childhood: "Little by little; inch by inch, it's a cinch."  I'm not exactly sold yet on the "cinch" part, but, (sigh... breathe...) there is truth to this.  

So here I am staring at this mound of goals, dreams and "To-Do's," and I'm reminded to make peace with the process.  Yes, I can, and yes, I will accomplish these things... in due season.  I will not graduate tonight after reading this stinking long chapter.  One project down, and another up next - it's true.  But one thing at a time; one day at a time, one step at a time, the mound becomes a lot less intimidating when I learn to take it in moments.  

Honestly?  I'm not really feeling this right now.  Right now I still feel the "Oh my gosh, I can't do this" (like, it's literally, physically not possible), but in reality, I can and I will, and how?  By taking one thing at a time, one day at a time, one step, one moment at a time.  In time, I will reach the end result, and in the meantime, I will grow in strength and character along the way - IF I make peace with the process.

MAKE PEACE WITH THE PROCESS.

God affirms this principle all over Scripture, but two of my favorite spots for this are found in the Old Testament when the people of Israel are leaving their slavery in Egypt and moving toward their Promised Land.  They had a dream: a land flowing with milk and honey.  A place of rest and enjoyment for all their years of hard work.  But it doesn't come when they thought or how they thought it would come.  Instead, God tells them:

"I will not drive them out before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the wild beasts multiply against you.  Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased and possessed the land." (Exodus 23:29)

And again several years later...

"The Lord your God will clear away these nations before you little by little.  You may not make an end of them at once, lest the wild beasts grow too numerous for you."  (Deuteronomy 7:22)

"Little by little."  There is wisdom in this.  There is grace in this.  There is protection and purpose in this. In the meantime of the process, it is possible that you grow into the sort of person that can contain the blessing ahead without being destroyed by it... little by little.  

Today, if you're struggling to make it to February (heck, if you're struggling to make it to tomorrow), be where you are, fully present, today.  Give yourself entirely to the right thing at the right time, and little by little you'll get there - you'll get to the Promised Land - to your goal, your dream, your reward - you'll get there.  Make peace with the process today, and don't forget to enjoy the ride.  

Lessons From Rehab #6: MAKE FAILURE YOUR FRIEND

Today, learn the art of resilience.  When you fall, when you fail, get back up and try again.  

Alfred: "Why do we fall, sir?" 

Batman: "To learn to get back up again."

    

                                        (Batman Begins)

"Do not fear mistakes.  You will fail.  Continue to reach out." 

- Benjamin Franklin

"Success is not final; failure is not fatal.  It is the courage to continue that counts." 

- Winston Churchill

"If the Lord had not been my help, 
my soul would have soon lived in the land of silence.  

When I thought, 'My foot slips,' Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.  

When the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul."

 (Psalm 94:17-19)

Lessons From Rehab #5: TURN ATTACK INTO AWAKENING

"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant 

and fill him with terrible resolve."

- Isoroku Yamamoto

Today I feel like quitting.  I've just gotten started, and I already want to give up.  I've got some big resolutions for this new year.  Not resolutions for the sake of "New Year Resolutions," but for the sake of LIFE - for progress, growth, health and joy.  Steps I need to take, challenges I need to embrace; battles to fight and mountains to climb.  I JUST started my Masters degree this week (full-time, on campus).  In addition, I have to get a new job - which sort of leaves me looking forward to a new arena for growth, but also hesitant about the "unknown" of a new work place after so many years with a staff and students that I LOVED at my prior job.  I'm working hard and staying focused to build new, healthier habits into my life and remain consistent in them.  I have been strong, and I have been excited.  It's a new season, it's a new day...

But today I feel weak.

Today I feel like crying.

Today, when I look at that mountain of "To Do's" in front of me, I feel small...

Really, REALLY small.

Already I hear the slightest whisper of "I can't do this," beginning to creep up within.  Oh, how often we are our own worst enemies.  Nothing bad has happened; I have not even begun to have homework, other than some reading to do.  And I already feel like "I can't" do this?  I KNOW that I can do this, and I know that I want to do this.  So what am I feeling here and why?

At the risk of sounding SUPER spiritual here, I'm going to go ahead and label this feeling "Attack."  If you're picturing a little devil with horns on his head, just slow down for a minute.  Sure, attack in our lives may be the work of the enemy.  But other times, we simply suffer the all-too-common attacks of our own emotions, insecurities, worries and fears.  For now, I'd say I'm just beginning to face the attack of the "heebie-geebies" myself.  Yup, FEAR.  Fear of failure.  Fear of changing my identity.  Fear of giving a lot and gaining little in return.  Fear of not seeing results fast enough.  Fear of not seeing results at all.  Fear of waiting.  Fear of trying.  Fear of effort.  Fear of stress.  Fear of sacrifice.  Fear of unhappiness.

Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear.

How often do we find ourselves quitting before we even get going, all because of some sort of "attack" that we allowed to intimidate us toward defeat?  What I will challenge you with today is a challenge for myself: WHEN attack comes, turn attack into awakening.  Make it work for you and not against you.  Here's an example:

On December 7, 1941, Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese, and why?  Because America had not yet begun to fight, and the Japanese military wanted to ensure that wouldn't change.  Pearl Harbor was intended to be a preventive measure, intimidating the U.S. to stay out of World War II.  "Don't get involved.  You will fail.  You will sacrifice only to suffer.  You will give much and you will lose.  The cost is not worth the fight.  Stay passive.  Keep out."  But history tells us that the bombing of Pearl Harbor had quite the opposite effect.  While the U.S. had "kept out" of the war to this point, Pearl Harbor's attack only served to incite the sleepy nation to rise, fight and win.  After the attack on December 7th, Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto of the Japanese naval fleet is quoted as saying:

"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with terrible resolve."  

And that's exactly what happened.  So WHEN attack comes, what will you do with it?  WHEN you feel like quitting, WHEN your mind plays tricks on you and your emotions are taking over, how will you respond?  Will you find a cozy corner in life to hide away in safety?  Or will you embrace the risk, rise to the challenge, move forward with resolve and overcome?  

Today after a job interview (which went very well even), I drove home with a knot in my throat and whispered out loud, "I can't do this."  Thankfully, quickly I remembered this principle: TURN ATTACK INTO AWAKENING.  Then, since I needed a good pep-talk, and no one was around to give me one, I spoke back to myself with resolve: "You CAN and you WILL."  

I CAN and I WILL.

I CAN do all things through CHRIST who gives me strength.

I WILL look in triumph on my enemies.

Jesus said in John 14:29, "I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place, you may believe."  Maybe you feel strong today.  But attack will come.  It WILL come.  So expect it.  Be ready for it.  Do not be deceived or intimidated by it.  REMAIN in Christ who gives you strength and RESOLVE to win, to conquer, to FINISH STRONG.  

By His grace, You CAN and you WILL... 

I Can't Believe I'm About to Say This, But... #Winning

"When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD;
He brought me into a spacious place.

The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?


The LORD is with me; He is my Helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.

It is better to take refuge in the LORD
Than to trust in man.

It is better to take refuge in the LORD
Than to trust in princes.

All nations surrounded me;
But in the Name of the LORD I cut them off.

They surrounded me on every side;
But in the Name of the LORD I cut them off.

They swarmed around me like bees
But they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns;
In the Name of the LORD, I cut them off.

I was pushed back and about to fall,
But the LORD helped me.

The LORD is my Strength and my Defense
And has become my Salvation...

I will not die, but live,
And will tell what the LORD has done."

(Psalm 118:5-14;17)

Lessons From Rehab #4: NEVER OVERESTIMATE YOUR ENEMY

"The art of war teaches us to rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming,

but on our own readiness to receive him;

Not on the chance of his not attacking,

but rather on the fact that we have made our position unassailable."

- Sun Tzu

Yesterday we realized the importance of the principle, "Never Underestimate Your Enemy."  Today I will say that the opposite is also true: never OVERestimate your enemy either.  Remember, success requires that we walk in the truth, and what is the truth?  Truth is simply, reality.  Honesty.  Calling things what they are.  So while it may be true that my enemy is strong and able to "overpower me," that does not mean he has "power over" me.

He might be able to you overpower you, but he does not have power over you...unless you give it.

If you haven't done so yet, name them.  Name your opponents.  Maybe your enemy is fear.  Maybe it is anger.  Maybe it is lack of trust, gossip, a lying tongue, pride, jealousy, greed, lust, unhealthy or destructive habits.  Maybe, if you're like me, you have a whole string of opponents lining up one by one to take you down.  Though these opponents may have the strength to overpower you, but they do not have to have power over you.  They only have the power you give them.

In Matthew 4:1-11, when Jesus was being tempted by Satan in the wilderness, Satan tried to take power over Jesus.  How did he attempt this?  By telling Jesus to do four things:

1. Forget Who Your Father Is  ("If you are the Son of God...")

2. Take Matters Into Your Own Hands ("...tell these stones to become bread.")

3. Throw Yourself Down

4. Bow to me

Do you see it?  The only power Satan had was the ability to influence Jesus to give up or give in.  He had to get Jesus to concede HIS strength in order to have the ability to overpower Him.  You are stronger than you think.

"IF you are the Son of God..."

Today, know who your Father is.  IF you are a son or daughter of God, THEN the enemy has no power over you; he can only overpower you when:

You forget who you are and whose you are.

You try to take matters into your own hands rather than walking in God's time and God's way.

You throw yourself down (give up or give in). 

You bow to the enemy, letting him become your master.

Jesus told us that if we are going to enter His kingdom, we must become like little children.  One thing that kids LOVE to say is, "You're not the boss of me!"  Or even better, "You can't tell me what to do.  You're not my father!"  Today, when the enemy tries to sneak up and lure us to bow, to concede our strength and authority as sons and daughters of God, let us fight with the guts of a child and remind him:

"You're not the boss of me.  You can't tell me what to do.  You're not my Father."

If you are feeling weary, weak and overpowered today, rest in the strength of your Father ("My Dad's bigger than your dad!" :)  Remember that HE is your Ally and not your enemy.  HE is for you and not against you.  Acknowledge that those opponents in your life are strong; don't underestimate them.  But don't overestimate them either - they are not the boss of you.  

In Psalm 42, David wrote: "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  And why are you disquieted within me?  Hope in God!  For yet shall I praise Him, the hope of my countenance and my God."  It's as if the Psalmist, though suffering, had a sobering moment and asked himself, "What are you crying about?  REMEMBER JESUS!"  

Remember Jesus.  You are not alone.  Mark 1:13 says that when Jesus was in the wilderness, being tempted by Satan and with the wild beasts, "angels were ministering to Him."  He was not alone... and you are not alone.  He is with you.  He is ALWAYS still with you (Ps. 139:18).

"The Lord is on my side; I will not be afraid.

What can man do to me?

The Lord is with me; He is my helper.

I will look in triumph on my enemies."

- Psalm 118:6-7

Lessons From Rehab #3: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR ENEMY

"Know your enemy and know yourself 
and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster."

- Sun Tzu

It is often said in church circles, "Don't give the devil too much credit," and I would agree.  But I would also say the opposite is true: don't give him too little credit either.  Whether the "opponents" in your life are Satan himself, or other issues, habits and problems, be careful that you don't underestimate them.  Don't belittle them.  Don't "just..." them:

"I'll just have one (more) drink..."

"It's just a movie; it's not like I'm doing it."

"I'll just put it on my credit card.  I'll pay it off right away."

"Oops, guess I blew that.  I'll just start over tomorrow."

If you struggle with boundaries in sexuality, then don't put yourself in situations where it feels nearly impossible to say "No."  If you struggle with alcohol, don't belittle the power of "just one drink."  If you have "kicked the habit" in some area of your life, don't buy into the lie of "just one last time" or "I'll start over tomorrow."

The ancient military master Sun Tzu says it this way: "Carefully compare the opposing army with your own, so that you may know where strength is superabundant and where it is deficient."  

The principle of "Never Underestimate Your Enemy" is not a matter of living out a defeatist mentality.  It is a matter of facing reality.  Truth is simply, reality.  There is positive truth, and there is negative truth, but either way, if it is real, if it is honest, then it is true.  Learning not to underestimate our enemies means learning to say what is true of them.  It means calling it like it is and acknowledging their level of strength.  It means not belittling them or demeaning them, but admitting it: I have an enemy, and it is powerful.  I have met my match.


NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR ENEMY:


"The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand.  Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all!  It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose." (Sun Tzu)

In Job 1:6-7, we see that when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, "Satan came also among them."  Then, "The Lord said to Satan, 'From where have you come?'  Then Satan answered the Lord and said, 'From roaming about on the earth and walking to and fro on it.'"  My dad often encourages me by reminding me, "God is always working."  It's true that God is always working - and so is Satan.  So, expect attack.  Expect that when you feel strong, he will hunt for a way to make you weak.  Expect that when you feel weak, he will find a way to take advantage of that weakness.  Even Jesus was not exempt:

"And He was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan; and He was with the wild animals..." (Mark 1:13)

In the wilderness.   Being tempted by Satan.  With the wild animals.

Never underestimate your enemy.  


Expect attack.  


Be prepared for him.  

WHEN temptation comes, don't be caught off guard or be deceived into rationalizing it or "just"-ing it.  Call it what it is.  RESPECT it.  Then prepare AHEAD of time to win.  If it is stronger than you, then don't arm wrestle with it.  The best way to beat an MMA fighter is not to get in the cage with him in the first place.

"Be alert and of sober mind. 

 Your enemy the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour.

Resist him, standing firm in the faith...

And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,

After you have suffered a little while,

Will Himself restore you and make you strong,

firm and steadfast."

- 1 Peter 5:8-10  

Lessons From Rehab #2: KNOW YOUR ALLIES

"Joab said, 'If the Syrians are too strong for me, then you shall help me.  But if the Ammonites are too strong for you, then I will help you.  Be strong, and let us use our strength for our people and for the cities of our God, and may the Lord do what seems good to Him."  (1 Chronicles 19:12-13)

KNOW YOUR ALLIES:

Just as it is important for us to "know our enemies" in life, it is equally as important to know our allies.  These are our lifelines - those people, places, things, songs, verses, etc. that have a sort of saving grace to them when we feel like we are slipping.  The thing about allies is that you have to make them and you have to use them in order for them to be of any benefit.  You have to build some sort of relationship through which you can reach out and ask for help.  Sometimes we are just sitting around waiting for others to come "find" us and "fix" us when we're struggling, but in reality, we have to learn the humility to speak up, reach out and ask for help.   

These allies may be people in your life that are a source of restoration to you.  For instance, I have a certain group of girl friends (scattered all around the U.S., nonetheless) that have become more than friends, but sisters to me.  In fact, I like to call them my "Drinking Buddies," not because we go out getting wasted all the time, but because when God pours a certain "cup" for me to drink in life, these are the ones that will make sure I'm not drinking alone.  Whether in sorrow or in joy, I know I'm not alone.  

When stuck in a rut after months of heartbreak, one of these girls started trying to teach me how to dance (hip hop) just because she knew it would make me laugh (it did)...LIFELINE.  

When I'm about to make a really stupid decision, or my heart is "running away with me" and leaving my head in the dust, another of these friends has the gift of "talking me down from the ledge."  She helps me to think through what is the wise thing to do, what is the right thing at the right time in the right way...LIFELINE.  

Every one of these girls have a special way of telling me the truth (like it or not); of reminding me who I am, what I am capable of, what GOD is capable of and all the good that life still holds for me...LIFELINES.

In too many ways to count, they are a "saving grace" to me, from the Master Himself.  We need people we can call and be honest with; those people to whom we can admit:

I'm losing it.

I want to cut myself.

I got drunk again this morning.

I went too far on my date last night.

I cannot stop looking at these websites.

My parents are talking about a getting a divorce.

I don't know where my life is going, and I'm feeling hopeless.

Whatever your "enemy" is, remember that you also have allies.  Consider that "Allies" can be:

1. People - "Drinking Buddies" :)

2. Places - literally, "safe places," where you can not only "escape," but find rejuvenation.  (Church, coffee shops, bookstores, the gym, parks, nature trails, the beach, favorite spots that have a restorative nature for you).

3. Songs - We all have them: "Oh, this is my song!"  Music can be an ally in that it fills us with hope, strength and the ability to endure when we feel weak.  Whether individual songs or kick-butt playlists, fill your heart, mind and spirit with strength.  Make an ally of your itunes.

4. Scriptures - "The Word of God is living and active."  It really is!  Whether you love reading the Bible for hours or finding one verse in a few minutes, you WILL find an ally in the Word of God... IF you read it.  Scripture is full of the best EVER pep-talks, locker room speeches, words of comfort, truth, correction, hope and LIFE.  READ IT.

5. Spiritual Disciplines - Sabbath, Silence, Rest, Prayer, Worship, Fasting, Scripture Reading... these all have a redemptive and restorative power in our lives.  Spiritual disciplines are not your enemy, they are your ally.  This is not a "should" issue, it's a "life" issue.  It's not that you "should" do these things, but that if you do them, you will find strength, truth and life.  

6. SAVIOR...

The greatest Ally of all is God Himself.  So often when we're struggling, we feel like God is suddenly against us, opposed to us.  This is called "the wages of sin."  Sin tells us that we don't belong with God.  Salvation tells us, "Yes you do."  So a Savior set out to make a way for us when we were separated.  He took care of it; "it is finished."  When the wages of sin (weakness, failure, struggles) tell you that you don't belong with God, or that you have to "fix" yourself before returning to Him, remember again that, "while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us."  Greatest Ally EVER.  We messed up, and He said, "I've got this."  Do not allow yourself to be deceived into thinking that because you are less than perfect, you don't belong with Him.  It is BECAUSE you are less than perfect that He came for you.

HE CAME FOR YOU... 

LIFELINE.

Today if you need the strength of an Ally, find John 14-17 and read it... best pep talk from Jesus in the whole Bible.  Read it and re-read it.  Then remember that God is for you and not against you.  Remember it:

GOD IS FOR YOU AND NOT AGAINST YOU.

He is your Ally, not your enemy.

Today, if you feel like you are sinking: speak up, reach out and ask for help.  You are not alone...

"Who rises up for me against the wicked?

Who stands up for me against evildoers?

If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, 'My foot slips,' Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul."

- Psalm 94:16-19