Lessons From Rehab #9: Be a Victor, Not a Victim

Watch Me First: Just a Flesh Wound (Youtube Clip)

*Warning: Though incredibly corny, this clip displays images of blood and gore... very, very corny blood and gore.

I LOVE the spirit of the Black Knight.  Though his arms and legs are hacked off, he continues to hobble around like a stump on the ground, refusing to give in and refusing to give up.  He loses an arm and, "'tis a scratch."  Another arm and it's, "just a flesh wound."  He has valid reasons to quit; valid reasons to say he "can't" go on any further.  Valid reasons to say that someone else hurt him so he couldn't do any better.  

But this is not the heart of our knight.  

Just a flesh wound...

We can all think of times in life when we've felt victimized.  In some cases, we really are being victimized.  In others, perhaps it is our own perspective of the problem that leads us to believe we are victims of something that is bigger than us, that we are incapable of overcoming.  Whether literally a victim or simply a victim of perspective, the harsh reality is that victim mentality sucks.  It sucks the life out of you.  It sucks vision out of you.  It sucks fight and faith out of your heart and soul.  It sucks.

If you are reading today, and you know what it feels like to be a victim, consider whether you are giving the oppressor more power than he/she/it/whatever deserves.  What does it look like to acknowledge that you have been victimized yet refuse to "play the victim"?  Consider this:

You were hurt.

It happened.

It mattered.

You matter.

It wasn't ok.

It's still not ok.

In fact, it sucks.

It may even be sucking the life out of you.

Is it?

Is it time?...

Is it time to pull that sucker off?

Is it time to let go?

Is it time to move on?

If you do,

You will still have been hurt.

It will still have happened.

It will still have mattered.

YOU will still matter.

And why?

Because...

YOU are MORE than your WOUNDS.

You are more than your wounds.  Your wounds are not the boss of you (unless you let them be).  Your oppressors are not the boss of you (unless you let them be).  You may have been victimized, but you do not have to be a victim.  You do not have to be the victim of your circumstances, your experiences, your sufferings or your relationships.  

Take ownership today.  Take ownership of your life - your choices, your responses, your character, your future, your present, your today, YOU.  Take ownership of you.  You cannot control who others are or what they will do.  But you can control you.  You CAN.  With God's help, by His grace, you can.  

Today, when you feel like falling back into the mentality of a victim, choose instead to be a victor.  If you have to hobble your way through life, beaten and bullied like our bloody Black Knight, laugh in the face of your enemy and embrace the spirit that rises above.

Just a flesh wound...

"The Lord is on my side; I will not be afraid.

What can man do to me?

The Lord is with me; He is my Helper.

I will look in triumph on my enemies...

The Lord is my Strength and my Defense

And has become my Salvation.

I will not die, but live,

And will tell what the Lord has done."

- Psalm 118:6-7,14, 17

Lessons From Rehab #8: DON'T PRETEND; INSTEAD, PRESENT

What was the first question God ever asked in the Bible?

"Where are you?"*

When Adam and Eve had sinned, or failed, their initial reaction was to go into hiding.  BUT GOD... God set out to look for them, to find them and to make a way to redeem them.  In their hiding, God called out, "Where are you?"  He did not harshly grouch, "Adam!  Where are you supposed to be?"  He simply asked:

"Where are you?"

In essence, God, who sees and knows all, was asking Adam to allow himself to be found.  God would not impose His presence, help, grace or even salvation on Adam.  God was ready and willing to meet Adam in the middle of his failure, right where he was at, but Adam had to present himself first in order to be found.

When we struggle, we too often go into hiding.  We may literally, physically hide ourselves from others (not going out anymore, not returning calls, stop going to church, etc.), or we might also tend to hide ourselves beneath various facades of our own making.  We learn to mask, to perform; we learn to pretend.  

Pretend I don't hurt.

Pretend I don't struggle.

Pretend I believe, when really I'm barely holding onto my faith.

Pretend I agree.

Pretend I'm fine.

Pretend I'm not slipping.

Pretend,

Pretend,

Pretend.

What God revealed in Genesis 3 is that He has no interest in performances or pretense.  He has an interest in people, and He wants to know you as you are, not as you should be.  Today, if you are struggling to live up to all you feel like are you "supposed to be," if you are hiding or pretending in some way, hear the gentle voice of the Father whispering your name and asking, "Where are you?"

Come as you are; 

PRESENT, don't pretend.    

He'll meet you there,

So let yourself be found.

*Genesis 3:9

Lessons From Rehab #7: MAKE PEACE WITH THE PROCESS

"Oh my gosh, I can't do this!!  It's just too much!"  So I thought as I perused my mounds of assignments, reading, work, commitments and personal goals for... nope, not this year... for this week.  I couldn't even bring myself to look beyond this week on my calendar, because this week's work alone felt like a tidal wave of papers, appointments, papers, appointments, papers, appointments... and I JUST got started.  This is only the beginning of a whole fresh season of school, new work and personal growth.  I keep finding myself at these bottom-of-the-barrel moments where I'm feeling really, really low and really, really weak, and all I'm pouting is, "Oh my gosh, I can't do this."

Just a few days ago, I championed the phrase: "You CAN and you WILL."  Do I still believe this?  Sure, I still believe this.  (Can you feel the enthusiasm?)  But I do - yeah, I do.  I still believe this.  Yes, I can, and yes, I will.  The "Oh my gosh, I can'ts" kick in when I go past thinking can and will to... how?

HOW am I going to do all of this?  HOW am I going to get 14 chapters of textbook reading accomplished in one week, combined with two papers, commitments, a job, and oh yeah - there's that little matter of personal care.  When am I going to have time to take a shower?!  Ok, I might be overreacting (but seriously...it's cutting close).  

Tonight, I finished reading a textbook chapter (that took me FOR-EVERRRR), took a deep breath and appreciated a little reminder from childhood: "Little by little; inch by inch, it's a cinch."  I'm not exactly sold yet on the "cinch" part, but, (sigh... breathe...) there is truth to this.  

So here I am staring at this mound of goals, dreams and "To-Do's," and I'm reminded to make peace with the process.  Yes, I can, and yes, I will accomplish these things... in due season.  I will not graduate tonight after reading this stinking long chapter.  One project down, and another up next - it's true.  But one thing at a time; one day at a time, one step at a time, the mound becomes a lot less intimidating when I learn to take it in moments.  

Honestly?  I'm not really feeling this right now.  Right now I still feel the "Oh my gosh, I can't do this" (like, it's literally, physically not possible), but in reality, I can and I will, and how?  By taking one thing at a time, one day at a time, one step, one moment at a time.  In time, I will reach the end result, and in the meantime, I will grow in strength and character along the way - IF I make peace with the process.

MAKE PEACE WITH THE PROCESS.

God affirms this principle all over Scripture, but two of my favorite spots for this are found in the Old Testament when the people of Israel are leaving their slavery in Egypt and moving toward their Promised Land.  They had a dream: a land flowing with milk and honey.  A place of rest and enjoyment for all their years of hard work.  But it doesn't come when they thought or how they thought it would come.  Instead, God tells them:

"I will not drive them out before you in one year, lest the land become desolate and the wild beasts multiply against you.  Little by little I will drive them out before you, until you have increased and possessed the land." (Exodus 23:29)

And again several years later...

"The Lord your God will clear away these nations before you little by little.  You may not make an end of them at once, lest the wild beasts grow too numerous for you."  (Deuteronomy 7:22)

"Little by little."  There is wisdom in this.  There is grace in this.  There is protection and purpose in this. In the meantime of the process, it is possible that you grow into the sort of person that can contain the blessing ahead without being destroyed by it... little by little.  

Today, if you're struggling to make it to February (heck, if you're struggling to make it to tomorrow), be where you are, fully present, today.  Give yourself entirely to the right thing at the right time, and little by little you'll get there - you'll get to the Promised Land - to your goal, your dream, your reward - you'll get there.  Make peace with the process today, and don't forget to enjoy the ride.  

Lessons From Rehab #6: MAKE FAILURE YOUR FRIEND

Today, learn the art of resilience.  When you fall, when you fail, get back up and try again.  

Alfred: "Why do we fall, sir?" 

Batman: "To learn to get back up again."

    

                                        (Batman Begins)

"Do not fear mistakes.  You will fail.  Continue to reach out." 

- Benjamin Franklin

"Success is not final; failure is not fatal.  It is the courage to continue that counts." 

- Winston Churchill

"If the Lord had not been my help, 
my soul would have soon lived in the land of silence.  

When I thought, 'My foot slips,' Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.  

When the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul."

 (Psalm 94:17-19)

Lessons From Rehab #5: TURN ATTACK INTO AWAKENING

"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant 

and fill him with terrible resolve."

- Isoroku Yamamoto

Today I feel like quitting.  I've just gotten started, and I already want to give up.  I've got some big resolutions for this new year.  Not resolutions for the sake of "New Year Resolutions," but for the sake of LIFE - for progress, growth, health and joy.  Steps I need to take, challenges I need to embrace; battles to fight and mountains to climb.  I JUST started my Masters degree this week (full-time, on campus).  In addition, I have to get a new job - which sort of leaves me looking forward to a new arena for growth, but also hesitant about the "unknown" of a new work place after so many years with a staff and students that I LOVED at my prior job.  I'm working hard and staying focused to build new, healthier habits into my life and remain consistent in them.  I have been strong, and I have been excited.  It's a new season, it's a new day...

But today I feel weak.

Today I feel like crying.

Today, when I look at that mountain of "To Do's" in front of me, I feel small...

Really, REALLY small.

Already I hear the slightest whisper of "I can't do this," beginning to creep up within.  Oh, how often we are our own worst enemies.  Nothing bad has happened; I have not even begun to have homework, other than some reading to do.  And I already feel like "I can't" do this?  I KNOW that I can do this, and I know that I want to do this.  So what am I feeling here and why?

At the risk of sounding SUPER spiritual here, I'm going to go ahead and label this feeling "Attack."  If you're picturing a little devil with horns on his head, just slow down for a minute.  Sure, attack in our lives may be the work of the enemy.  But other times, we simply suffer the all-too-common attacks of our own emotions, insecurities, worries and fears.  For now, I'd say I'm just beginning to face the attack of the "heebie-geebies" myself.  Yup, FEAR.  Fear of failure.  Fear of changing my identity.  Fear of giving a lot and gaining little in return.  Fear of not seeing results fast enough.  Fear of not seeing results at all.  Fear of waiting.  Fear of trying.  Fear of effort.  Fear of stress.  Fear of sacrifice.  Fear of unhappiness.

Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear.

How often do we find ourselves quitting before we even get going, all because of some sort of "attack" that we allowed to intimidate us toward defeat?  What I will challenge you with today is a challenge for myself: WHEN attack comes, turn attack into awakening.  Make it work for you and not against you.  Here's an example:

On December 7, 1941, Pearl Harbor was bombed by the Japanese, and why?  Because America had not yet begun to fight, and the Japanese military wanted to ensure that wouldn't change.  Pearl Harbor was intended to be a preventive measure, intimidating the U.S. to stay out of World War II.  "Don't get involved.  You will fail.  You will sacrifice only to suffer.  You will give much and you will lose.  The cost is not worth the fight.  Stay passive.  Keep out."  But history tells us that the bombing of Pearl Harbor had quite the opposite effect.  While the U.S. had "kept out" of the war to this point, Pearl Harbor's attack only served to incite the sleepy nation to rise, fight and win.  After the attack on December 7th, Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto of the Japanese naval fleet is quoted as saying:

"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and fill him with terrible resolve."  

And that's exactly what happened.  So WHEN attack comes, what will you do with it?  WHEN you feel like quitting, WHEN your mind plays tricks on you and your emotions are taking over, how will you respond?  Will you find a cozy corner in life to hide away in safety?  Or will you embrace the risk, rise to the challenge, move forward with resolve and overcome?  

Today after a job interview (which went very well even), I drove home with a knot in my throat and whispered out loud, "I can't do this."  Thankfully, quickly I remembered this principle: TURN ATTACK INTO AWAKENING.  Then, since I needed a good pep-talk, and no one was around to give me one, I spoke back to myself with resolve: "You CAN and you WILL."  

I CAN and I WILL.

I CAN do all things through CHRIST who gives me strength.

I WILL look in triumph on my enemies.

Jesus said in John 14:29, "I have told you before it takes place, so that when it does take place, you may believe."  Maybe you feel strong today.  But attack will come.  It WILL come.  So expect it.  Be ready for it.  Do not be deceived or intimidated by it.  REMAIN in Christ who gives you strength and RESOLVE to win, to conquer, to FINISH STRONG.  

By His grace, You CAN and you WILL... 

I Can't Believe I'm About to Say This, But... #Winning

"When hard pressed, I cried to the LORD;
He brought me into a spacious place.

The LORD is on my side; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?


The LORD is with me; He is my Helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.

It is better to take refuge in the LORD
Than to trust in man.

It is better to take refuge in the LORD
Than to trust in princes.

All nations surrounded me;
But in the Name of the LORD I cut them off.

They surrounded me on every side;
But in the Name of the LORD I cut them off.

They swarmed around me like bees
But they were consumed as quickly as burning thorns;
In the Name of the LORD, I cut them off.

I was pushed back and about to fall,
But the LORD helped me.

The LORD is my Strength and my Defense
And has become my Salvation...

I will not die, but live,
And will tell what the LORD has done."

(Psalm 118:5-14;17)

Lessons From Rehab #4: NEVER OVERESTIMATE YOUR ENEMY

"The art of war teaches us to rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's not coming,

but on our own readiness to receive him;

Not on the chance of his not attacking,

but rather on the fact that we have made our position unassailable."

- Sun Tzu

Yesterday we realized the importance of the principle, "Never Underestimate Your Enemy."  Today I will say that the opposite is also true: never OVERestimate your enemy either.  Remember, success requires that we walk in the truth, and what is the truth?  Truth is simply, reality.  Honesty.  Calling things what they are.  So while it may be true that my enemy is strong and able to "overpower me," that does not mean he has "power over" me.

He might be able to you overpower you, but he does not have power over you...unless you give it.

If you haven't done so yet, name them.  Name your opponents.  Maybe your enemy is fear.  Maybe it is anger.  Maybe it is lack of trust, gossip, a lying tongue, pride, jealousy, greed, lust, unhealthy or destructive habits.  Maybe, if you're like me, you have a whole string of opponents lining up one by one to take you down.  Though these opponents may have the strength to overpower you, but they do not have to have power over you.  They only have the power you give them.

In Matthew 4:1-11, when Jesus was being tempted by Satan in the wilderness, Satan tried to take power over Jesus.  How did he attempt this?  By telling Jesus to do four things:

1. Forget Who Your Father Is  ("If you are the Son of God...")

2. Take Matters Into Your Own Hands ("...tell these stones to become bread.")

3. Throw Yourself Down

4. Bow to me

Do you see it?  The only power Satan had was the ability to influence Jesus to give up or give in.  He had to get Jesus to concede HIS strength in order to have the ability to overpower Him.  You are stronger than you think.

"IF you are the Son of God..."

Today, know who your Father is.  IF you are a son or daughter of God, THEN the enemy has no power over you; he can only overpower you when:

You forget who you are and whose you are.

You try to take matters into your own hands rather than walking in God's time and God's way.

You throw yourself down (give up or give in). 

You bow to the enemy, letting him become your master.

Jesus told us that if we are going to enter His kingdom, we must become like little children.  One thing that kids LOVE to say is, "You're not the boss of me!"  Or even better, "You can't tell me what to do.  You're not my father!"  Today, when the enemy tries to sneak up and lure us to bow, to concede our strength and authority as sons and daughters of God, let us fight with the guts of a child and remind him:

"You're not the boss of me.  You can't tell me what to do.  You're not my Father."

If you are feeling weary, weak and overpowered today, rest in the strength of your Father ("My Dad's bigger than your dad!" :)  Remember that HE is your Ally and not your enemy.  HE is for you and not against you.  Acknowledge that those opponents in your life are strong; don't underestimate them.  But don't overestimate them either - they are not the boss of you.  

In Psalm 42, David wrote: "Why are you downcast, O my soul?  And why are you disquieted within me?  Hope in God!  For yet shall I praise Him, the hope of my countenance and my God."  It's as if the Psalmist, though suffering, had a sobering moment and asked himself, "What are you crying about?  REMEMBER JESUS!"  

Remember Jesus.  You are not alone.  Mark 1:13 says that when Jesus was in the wilderness, being tempted by Satan and with the wild beasts, "angels were ministering to Him."  He was not alone... and you are not alone.  He is with you.  He is ALWAYS still with you (Ps. 139:18).

"The Lord is on my side; I will not be afraid.

What can man do to me?

The Lord is with me; He is my helper.

I will look in triumph on my enemies."

- Psalm 118:6-7

Lessons From Rehab #3: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR ENEMY

"Know your enemy and know yourself 
and you can fight a hundred battles without disaster."

- Sun Tzu

It is often said in church circles, "Don't give the devil too much credit," and I would agree.  But I would also say the opposite is true: don't give him too little credit either.  Whether the "opponents" in your life are Satan himself, or other issues, habits and problems, be careful that you don't underestimate them.  Don't belittle them.  Don't "just..." them:

"I'll just have one (more) drink..."

"It's just a movie; it's not like I'm doing it."

"I'll just put it on my credit card.  I'll pay it off right away."

"Oops, guess I blew that.  I'll just start over tomorrow."

If you struggle with boundaries in sexuality, then don't put yourself in situations where it feels nearly impossible to say "No."  If you struggle with alcohol, don't belittle the power of "just one drink."  If you have "kicked the habit" in some area of your life, don't buy into the lie of "just one last time" or "I'll start over tomorrow."

The ancient military master Sun Tzu says it this way: "Carefully compare the opposing army with your own, so that you may know where strength is superabundant and where it is deficient."  

The principle of "Never Underestimate Your Enemy" is not a matter of living out a defeatist mentality.  It is a matter of facing reality.  Truth is simply, reality.  There is positive truth, and there is negative truth, but either way, if it is real, if it is honest, then it is true.  Learning not to underestimate our enemies means learning to say what is true of them.  It means calling it like it is and acknowledging their level of strength.  It means not belittling them or demeaning them, but admitting it: I have an enemy, and it is powerful.  I have met my match.


NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR ENEMY:


"The general who loses a battle makes but few calculations beforehand.  Thus do many calculations lead to victory, and few calculations to defeat: how much more no calculation at all!  It is by attention to this point that I can foresee who is likely to win or lose." (Sun Tzu)

In Job 1:6-7, we see that when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, "Satan came also among them."  Then, "The Lord said to Satan, 'From where have you come?'  Then Satan answered the Lord and said, 'From roaming about on the earth and walking to and fro on it.'"  My dad often encourages me by reminding me, "God is always working."  It's true that God is always working - and so is Satan.  So, expect attack.  Expect that when you feel strong, he will hunt for a way to make you weak.  Expect that when you feel weak, he will find a way to take advantage of that weakness.  Even Jesus was not exempt:

"And He was in the wilderness forty days, being tempted by Satan; and He was with the wild animals..." (Mark 1:13)

In the wilderness.   Being tempted by Satan.  With the wild animals.

Never underestimate your enemy.  


Expect attack.  


Be prepared for him.  

WHEN temptation comes, don't be caught off guard or be deceived into rationalizing it or "just"-ing it.  Call it what it is.  RESPECT it.  Then prepare AHEAD of time to win.  If it is stronger than you, then don't arm wrestle with it.  The best way to beat an MMA fighter is not to get in the cage with him in the first place.

"Be alert and of sober mind. 

 Your enemy the devil prowls around looking for someone to devour.

Resist him, standing firm in the faith...

And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ,

After you have suffered a little while,

Will Himself restore you and make you strong,

firm and steadfast."

- 1 Peter 5:8-10  

Lessons From Rehab #2: KNOW YOUR ALLIES

"Joab said, 'If the Syrians are too strong for me, then you shall help me.  But if the Ammonites are too strong for you, then I will help you.  Be strong, and let us use our strength for our people and for the cities of our God, and may the Lord do what seems good to Him."  (1 Chronicles 19:12-13)

KNOW YOUR ALLIES:

Just as it is important for us to "know our enemies" in life, it is equally as important to know our allies.  These are our lifelines - those people, places, things, songs, verses, etc. that have a sort of saving grace to them when we feel like we are slipping.  The thing about allies is that you have to make them and you have to use them in order for them to be of any benefit.  You have to build some sort of relationship through which you can reach out and ask for help.  Sometimes we are just sitting around waiting for others to come "find" us and "fix" us when we're struggling, but in reality, we have to learn the humility to speak up, reach out and ask for help.   

These allies may be people in your life that are a source of restoration to you.  For instance, I have a certain group of girl friends (scattered all around the U.S., nonetheless) that have become more than friends, but sisters to me.  In fact, I like to call them my "Drinking Buddies," not because we go out getting wasted all the time, but because when God pours a certain "cup" for me to drink in life, these are the ones that will make sure I'm not drinking alone.  Whether in sorrow or in joy, I know I'm not alone.  

When stuck in a rut after months of heartbreak, one of these girls started trying to teach me how to dance (hip hop) just because she knew it would make me laugh (it did)...LIFELINE.  

When I'm about to make a really stupid decision, or my heart is "running away with me" and leaving my head in the dust, another of these friends has the gift of "talking me down from the ledge."  She helps me to think through what is the wise thing to do, what is the right thing at the right time in the right way...LIFELINE.  

Every one of these girls have a special way of telling me the truth (like it or not); of reminding me who I am, what I am capable of, what GOD is capable of and all the good that life still holds for me...LIFELINES.

In too many ways to count, they are a "saving grace" to me, from the Master Himself.  We need people we can call and be honest with; those people to whom we can admit:

I'm losing it.

I want to cut myself.

I got drunk again this morning.

I went too far on my date last night.

I cannot stop looking at these websites.

My parents are talking about a getting a divorce.

I don't know where my life is going, and I'm feeling hopeless.

Whatever your "enemy" is, remember that you also have allies.  Consider that "Allies" can be:

1. People - "Drinking Buddies" :)

2. Places - literally, "safe places," where you can not only "escape," but find rejuvenation.  (Church, coffee shops, bookstores, the gym, parks, nature trails, the beach, favorite spots that have a restorative nature for you).

3. Songs - We all have them: "Oh, this is my song!"  Music can be an ally in that it fills us with hope, strength and the ability to endure when we feel weak.  Whether individual songs or kick-butt playlists, fill your heart, mind and spirit with strength.  Make an ally of your itunes.

4. Scriptures - "The Word of God is living and active."  It really is!  Whether you love reading the Bible for hours or finding one verse in a few minutes, you WILL find an ally in the Word of God... IF you read it.  Scripture is full of the best EVER pep-talks, locker room speeches, words of comfort, truth, correction, hope and LIFE.  READ IT.

5. Spiritual Disciplines - Sabbath, Silence, Rest, Prayer, Worship, Fasting, Scripture Reading... these all have a redemptive and restorative power in our lives.  Spiritual disciplines are not your enemy, they are your ally.  This is not a "should" issue, it's a "life" issue.  It's not that you "should" do these things, but that if you do them, you will find strength, truth and life.  

6. SAVIOR...

The greatest Ally of all is God Himself.  So often when we're struggling, we feel like God is suddenly against us, opposed to us.  This is called "the wages of sin."  Sin tells us that we don't belong with God.  Salvation tells us, "Yes you do."  So a Savior set out to make a way for us when we were separated.  He took care of it; "it is finished."  When the wages of sin (weakness, failure, struggles) tell you that you don't belong with God, or that you have to "fix" yourself before returning to Him, remember again that, "while we were STILL sinners, Christ died for us."  Greatest Ally EVER.  We messed up, and He said, "I've got this."  Do not allow yourself to be deceived into thinking that because you are less than perfect, you don't belong with Him.  It is BECAUSE you are less than perfect that He came for you.

HE CAME FOR YOU... 

LIFELINE.

Today if you need the strength of an Ally, find John 14-17 and read it... best pep talk from Jesus in the whole Bible.  Read it and re-read it.  Then remember that God is for you and not against you.  Remember it:

GOD IS FOR YOU AND NOT AGAINST YOU.

He is your Ally, not your enemy.

Today, if you feel like you are sinking: speak up, reach out and ask for help.  You are not alone...

"Who rises up for me against the wicked?

Who stands up for me against evildoers?

If the Lord had not been my help, my soul would have lived in the land of silence.

When I thought, 'My foot slips,' Your steadfast love, O Lord, held me up.

When the cares of my heart are many, Your consolations cheer my soul."

- Psalm 94:16-19

Lessons From Rehab #1: KNOW YOUR ENEMY

When girls came to Teen Challenge, one of the first things we would do together in a counseling session was set goals through a treatment plan.  Ah, goal-setting.  What is it about setting goals that makes us feel like a failure before we even start?  It's as if the moment we start writing them down (or maybe we don't even get that far), something inside of us sighs, "I can't do this.  I want to do this, but I know I won't."  Then we sort of saunter off in a defeated "whatever" mentality, comforting ourselves with whatever makes us feel good at the moment and helps us to forget that we are, yet again, settling for less than we are capable of and far less than we were created to be.  

Been there.

Done that.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

Yes, it often is this way.  But it doesn't have to be.  What is the difference between the two?  Between winning and losing?  Between succeeding and settling?  Well, in the famous words from our friends at Nike: "Just Do It."  We can know all the right information but if we don't do it and keep doing it, we are destined to fail every single time.  Notice I didn't only say "do it," but I said "keep doing it."  If there is anything I have learned after 8 years working in recovery, it is that consistency is key.  Drs. Cloud and Townsend (of Boundaries, Helping People Grow, etc.) say it like this: "Learn to trust the growth process."  Trust it.  That means do it and keep doing it even when you don't see the results you want to see when you want to see them.  TRUST the process and KEEP doing what you know to do in the mean time.

If we are going to succeed in succeeding, then we have to start with Step One.  Step One in any 12-Step program is often misquoted as "Admit You Have a Problem."  But this actually is not the first step in the 12 Steps.  Admitting you have a problem is right-on.  For sure, you've got to come to a point of being able to say, "I have a problem with this..." but we've got to take it further.  Step One goes on to say something much more profound; something much harder to confess than, "I have a problem."  Step One involves "Admitting Powerlessness."  Step One says I have a problem, AND I admit that this thing is stronger than me.  I admit that if I were to get into an arm-wrestling match with this issue, it would beat me every time.  This is not a depressing, defeating place to be.  There is wisdom in calling things what they are; victory can only be found when we truly, undeniably know our opponent.

KNOW YOUR ENEMY:

Paul might call it a "thorn in the flesh."  Psychology may term them your "issues."  Greek mythology would label it your "Achilles Heel."  Achilles was known to be invincible; an undefeated and undefeatable warrior.  But he met his own death when Achilles was struck in the heel by the tip of a poisoned arrow.  "Oh how the mighty have fallen..."  Wikipedia describes the contemporary phrase, "Achilles heel," as a deadly weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.  

What is (are) your Achilles heel(s) in life?

When the girls at TC first filled out their treatment plans, we would stop at a section called "Problem Areas."  Here we would get real and ask for authenticity.  Take the mask off, drop the excuses and rationalizations and tell me: What are you here for?  What's the problem?  

As girls got courageous enough to tell the truth, they would begin to confess things in writing, things like: "Drugs.  Cutting myself.  Alcohol.  Sex.  Lying.  Anger.  Depression" and more.  Sometimes it was hard to name those things; always it was vulnerable.  But we did it; together, we did it.  We decided we were going to work together toward a new life, a better life, and that meant we had to start with one thing: naming our enemies.  If she was going to succeed, each student had to call it what it is, to put a name to it and determine to overcome.  We didn't defeat their "issues" in a day, a month, or even in that year or more the girls lived with us at TC.  In fact, I can tell you that every single one of those girls is still figuring out how to live the truths they learned at TC every day.  But many have come a long, LONG way from that first day when we sat down, pen in hand with a treatment plan and asked the question, "So what's the problem?"  

We named it.

The road to a better life started when we named it.

I like to call this principle, "Know Your Enemy."  It's as simple as giving it a name.  It means that we stop belittling ourselves or our issues by pretending they don't exist or they don't matter.  We confess that they exist, we put a name to them, and we acknowledge that these things have the power to bring us to our knees, settling for less than who we truly are.  

Today, I will not tell you to be completely over your issues.  I will not tell you that you won't lose your temper again or that you will wake up tomorrow morning to discover you've magically lost those extra pounds that have been hounding you for years.  I will tell you that you can trust the growth process and you can move toward better one day at a time, one choice at a time, one success or even one failure at a time.  But it all starts with knowing your enemy.

King David knew his enemies.  When he failed, he did not deny it or rationalize it.  He called it what it was.  In Psalm 51 he confessed, "But I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me."  This is not a defeatist mentality: it is a wisdom.  He knew his weakness, he put a name to it and surrendered it to God, asking for help one day at a time.  

So to get started, today, know your enemy.  Name it.  What is the problem?  In your life, what has the power to cause you to settle for less than you were created to be?  Uncontrolled anger?  Unhealthy habits?  Relationships?  Boundaries?  Whatever it is, name it, and you are taking the first step in the right direction.

You CAN make it to February without having to say, "Oh well, I guess there's still next year."  

Just start with TODAY.

One day at a time, you CAN do ALL things through CHRIST who gives you strength.

Let's Skip the "I'll Do Better Next Year's"

While in Swaziland, I was asked to do a teaching for a community leadership program* on the challenge of "Re-Entry."  Re-entry is the idea of heading back into the "real world" after considerable time away in a group or community living atmosphere.  After 8 years with Teen Challenge, yeah, I guess I have a lot to say about re-entry, but I had never really compiled these thoughts on paper before.  The more I have looked them over, the more I've realized these are principles not only for success after rehab or discipleship programs, but for the daily grind that each of us face from day to day.  

So, over the next two weeks, I'll be posting these re-entry notes as daily principles for success in 2012 (and beyond).  Unfortunately, as usual, "it only works if you do it."  Whatever your goals or desires for 2012, I hope these are both inspirational and challenging truths for you in the first few weeks of this new year.  

Here's to not reaching February already moaning, "Oh well, I guess I'll do better next year."

You CAN make it to February.

Just start with today.

"Just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord,

CONTINUE to LIVE in Him."

- Colossians 2:6

*Global Leadership Academy is the internship extension of Children's Cup in Swaziland, southern Africa.  To find out more, visit www.childrenscup.org.