Lessons From Rehab #1: KNOW YOUR ENEMY

When girls came to Teen Challenge, one of the first things we would do together in a counseling session was set goals through a treatment plan.  Ah, goal-setting.  What is it about setting goals that makes us feel like a failure before we even start?  It's as if the moment we start writing them down (or maybe we don't even get that far), something inside of us sighs, "I can't do this.  I want to do this, but I know I won't."  Then we sort of saunter off in a defeated "whatever" mentality, comforting ourselves with whatever makes us feel good at the moment and helps us to forget that we are, yet again, settling for less than we are capable of and far less than we were created to be.  

Been there.

Done that.

But it doesn't have to be this way.

Yes, it often is this way.  But it doesn't have to be.  What is the difference between the two?  Between winning and losing?  Between succeeding and settling?  Well, in the famous words from our friends at Nike: "Just Do It."  We can know all the right information but if we don't do it and keep doing it, we are destined to fail every single time.  Notice I didn't only say "do it," but I said "keep doing it."  If there is anything I have learned after 8 years working in recovery, it is that consistency is key.  Drs. Cloud and Townsend (of Boundaries, Helping People Grow, etc.) say it like this: "Learn to trust the growth process."  Trust it.  That means do it and keep doing it even when you don't see the results you want to see when you want to see them.  TRUST the process and KEEP doing what you know to do in the mean time.

If we are going to succeed in succeeding, then we have to start with Step One.  Step One in any 12-Step program is often misquoted as "Admit You Have a Problem."  But this actually is not the first step in the 12 Steps.  Admitting you have a problem is right-on.  For sure, you've got to come to a point of being able to say, "I have a problem with this..." but we've got to take it further.  Step One goes on to say something much more profound; something much harder to confess than, "I have a problem."  Step One involves "Admitting Powerlessness."  Step One says I have a problem, AND I admit that this thing is stronger than me.  I admit that if I were to get into an arm-wrestling match with this issue, it would beat me every time.  This is not a depressing, defeating place to be.  There is wisdom in calling things what they are; victory can only be found when we truly, undeniably know our opponent.

KNOW YOUR ENEMY:

Paul might call it a "thorn in the flesh."  Psychology may term them your "issues."  Greek mythology would label it your "Achilles Heel."  Achilles was known to be invincible; an undefeated and undefeatable warrior.  But he met his own death when Achilles was struck in the heel by the tip of a poisoned arrow.  "Oh how the mighty have fallen..."  Wikipedia describes the contemporary phrase, "Achilles heel," as a deadly weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.  

What is (are) your Achilles heel(s) in life?

When the girls at TC first filled out their treatment plans, we would stop at a section called "Problem Areas."  Here we would get real and ask for authenticity.  Take the mask off, drop the excuses and rationalizations and tell me: What are you here for?  What's the problem?  

As girls got courageous enough to tell the truth, they would begin to confess things in writing, things like: "Drugs.  Cutting myself.  Alcohol.  Sex.  Lying.  Anger.  Depression" and more.  Sometimes it was hard to name those things; always it was vulnerable.  But we did it; together, we did it.  We decided we were going to work together toward a new life, a better life, and that meant we had to start with one thing: naming our enemies.  If she was going to succeed, each student had to call it what it is, to put a name to it and determine to overcome.  We didn't defeat their "issues" in a day, a month, or even in that year or more the girls lived with us at TC.  In fact, I can tell you that every single one of those girls is still figuring out how to live the truths they learned at TC every day.  But many have come a long, LONG way from that first day when we sat down, pen in hand with a treatment plan and asked the question, "So what's the problem?"  

We named it.

The road to a better life started when we named it.

I like to call this principle, "Know Your Enemy."  It's as simple as giving it a name.  It means that we stop belittling ourselves or our issues by pretending they don't exist or they don't matter.  We confess that they exist, we put a name to them, and we acknowledge that these things have the power to bring us to our knees, settling for less than who we truly are.  

Today, I will not tell you to be completely over your issues.  I will not tell you that you won't lose your temper again or that you will wake up tomorrow morning to discover you've magically lost those extra pounds that have been hounding you for years.  I will tell you that you can trust the growth process and you can move toward better one day at a time, one choice at a time, one success or even one failure at a time.  But it all starts with knowing your enemy.

King David knew his enemies.  When he failed, he did not deny it or rationalize it.  He called it what it was.  In Psalm 51 he confessed, "But I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me."  This is not a defeatist mentality: it is a wisdom.  He knew his weakness, he put a name to it and surrendered it to God, asking for help one day at a time.  

So to get started, today, know your enemy.  Name it.  What is the problem?  In your life, what has the power to cause you to settle for less than you were created to be?  Uncontrolled anger?  Unhealthy habits?  Relationships?  Boundaries?  Whatever it is, name it, and you are taking the first step in the right direction.

You CAN make it to February without having to say, "Oh well, I guess there's still next year."  

Just start with TODAY.

One day at a time, you CAN do ALL things through CHRIST who gives you strength.